The Let Down

Chapter Four

by GCS



"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will." -unknown

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Johnny crossed the bay for a second time only this time there was no whistling a happy tune. The situation with Roy had just gotten worse. He pushed open the locker room door so hard, it banged against the wall.

Damn. What was he doing? Things were getting out of hand. He was letting his anger get the best of him. Did he and Roy need to end their partnership by arguing? Roy was his best friend, and the best damned partner anyone could ever ask for.

Anger quickly dissolved into regret. The confidence and bravado he'd put on in front of the guys quickly dissipated leaving him weary.

The headache he'd been trying to hold off all morning was now causing a rising tympani driving him to his locker to find relief. Stopping in front of the locker he downed the rest of the brew; then stared into the empty cup thinking he felt just as empty.

After a few minutes, he put the cup down on the bench, opened his locker, and pulled his duffel bag open to dig for some aspirin the drum beat now progressed into a steady rat-a-tat-tat.

He searched until he found the half-empty bottle shaking his head as he opened it and poured two tablets into his palm. At this rate, he'd be done with this bottle before the end of the shift. Tossing the pills into his mouth, he grimaced at the bitter taste and quickly grabbed his coffee cup.

Crossing to the sink, he rinsed his cup and then filled it with water. Turning, he leaned back against the sink and rubbed at his temple. He looked at the door that led into the bay and thought about apologizing. But going back out to the kitchen was the last thing he felt capable of doing right now. Finishing his water, he turned and stared into the mirror.

'Coward.'

His friendship with Roy was going down the drain, yet he couldn't seem to stop it. His head pounded. Maybe he'd go lay down for a few minutes and to let his headache subside; and then, once it was gone, he'd go find Roy and apologize to him. And if Roy copped another attitude with him, he'd just deal with it.

He sat the cup on the small shelf that ran below the long mirror.

Mike crossed the bay with long strides pushed the door into the locker room open with too much force and never slowed down when he repeated the same action with the door to the dorm. When the door slammed loudly against the doorstop the noise echoed in the room. Mike kept walking until he crossed the length of room and spun around on his heels to pace back the other direction. He was angry…really mad. "He's got no right to act like that!"He declared to the empty space rather loudly.

That was the moment he saw Johnny laying in his bunk…his arm slung over his eyes. He was fully dressed and still had his shoes on. His feet were crossed at the ankles and by the slow rise and fall of his chest…he was asleep. "Damn." Mike whispered hoping he hadn't disturbed his friend.

He was still standing in the same spot when Captain Stanley burst into the room with as much force as Mike had a few minutes earlier. "Stoker, what the hell was that about?"

Mike looked up at his Captain with wide eyes. "Shhhh…" He placed his finger over his lips before lowering it to point at the sleeping man.

Captain Stanley stopped in his tracks and looked over at Johnny, and then back to Mike. The reasons behind Mike's actions were instantly clear. They all knew it…even Hank. Roy's leaving the paramedics was tearing both men apart.

Hank knew that was the hardest thing about the fire department's promotion protocol. Partnerships were born of good men and destroyed when those men decide to move up or move on. Inevitably one man is left behind and has to somehow pick up where things left off…only with someone else. It was much like a relationship when struck with divorce…there is always a victim, always the one who wants to stay together, but right at the moment Hank realized it was hard to say which of the two paramedics was the victim. Roy for moving up when they all knew it wasn't what he wanted...or Johnny for being left behind to pick up the pieces.

He looked back at Mike who raised an eyebrow in silent question. "Let him sleep."

Mike nodded his understanding. "Sorry Cap."

Hank took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "It's okay…things are pretty stressful right now. Just keep it together next time." Hank couldn't help the smile. He knew Mike was not normally confrontational. His record with the department was stellar. But now he had to figure out how to deal with Roy.

"Yes Sir." Mike said with sincerity. He knew his behavior was out of line, but sometimes a guy has to make sure the message gets across.

Hank took one last look at Johnny, turned and walked softly back the way he'd come.

Moving over to his bed; picking up the book he had left on the night stand, Mike made himself comfortable and turned to the bookmarked page. Somehow staying in the dorm seemed like the best option. Coming face to face with Roy after such a heated moment wasn't a good idea.

Roy rose from the chair and slowly walked across the small office to the window where he stood looking out. He was so close that each breath fogged the glass, but his mind was too far away to notice. He wasn't really looking at anything in particular.

The images in his mind occupied his thoughts, images of his wife and kids happily sending him to work on his first shift as engineer, and then of Joanne holding her hand out for the first check with his new raise. After-all that is what taking the test was about in the first place. Then came the images of Johnny being wheeled into Rampart unconscious from snake venom; barely clinging to life while he sipped coffee, not having been there when his partner needed him, and finally, the images of Mike's face filled with disappointment and concern.

Hank rounded the back of the engine and stopped. There in the bay pretending to polish the engine and checking the nozzles was Chet and Marco. He walked up and leaned against the engine with his arms crossed. He knew they were only pretending, because both men kept glancing at Roy who they could see standing by the window. The protective nature he knew his men had for one another was in full swing. "Well?"

Chet looked up from his perch on the engine's running board. "He's just standing there staring out the window."

Marco stopped rubbing the cloth in his hand over the same spot again and again. "What are we going to do Cap?"

Hank sighed. "I don't know." He pushed off the engine and leaned his neck from side to side trying to work out the tension.

"Everything okay with Mike?" Chet asked. Hank looked at him. "Um…I mean…I know it's none of my business, Uh Sir, but…um…"

"Relax Chet, he's fine."

"He's not in trouble?" Marco asked.

"No…not in trouble."

Chet stood and looked around suddenly realizing he hadn't seen Johnny. "Where's Gage?"

"Sleeping like a baby." Hank smiled.

Chet's eyes got wide and his mouth fell open. "Asleep! He slept through the whole thing?" He waved his arms wide in the air. "His partner's lost his mind and he's asleep! Unbelievable!"

Hank put a hand on Chet's shoulder. "This is hard on both of them."

"Yeah, I know Cap, but why isn't Johnny trying to talk Roy out of this?"

"I don't know Chet, but it may have something to do with his not wanting to interfere in an argument between Joanne and Roy. It didn't bode to well for him the last time he tried that." Hank turned…walked over to the office and closed the door.

Chapter Five

After closing the door Captain Stanley stood watching Roy stare out the window for a few minutes before moving to his desk. "Have a seat, Roy." Roy didn't move. It was apparent that he hadn't even heard him speak. "Ahem."

Captain Stanley saw Roy flinch and regretted startling the man, but he had to get his attention somehow. "Have a seat." Roy sunk slowly into a chair…sitting at attention. "Now, can you explain to me what happened just now in the kitchen to cause two of the quietest of my men to be in a heated exchange?"

Roy shifted nervously careful not to make eye contact. "I'm sorry, Sir."

Hank thought Roy looked a bit like a kid in the principal's office, but he wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook. "Okay, continue."

Roy looked up and glanced away. "It's just…I mean…Mike…he…" He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I don't know."

Hank leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head. "I think you do. Just take your time."

Roy sat back and tried to gather his thoughts before speaking again. Everything was such a mess…a mess he had caused. His best friend was avoiding him, his crew mates were upset with him and even he and Joanne were out of sorts. "I've made a mess of everything, Cap. I yelled at Johnny and said some things I shouldn't have. Joanne is ready to let me sleep on the sofa for the rest of our marriage, and Mike, Chet and Marco are wondering if they can trust me to have their backs. I thought getting promoted to engineer was what I wanted; what Joanne wanted. We need the money. But…" He ran his fingers through his hair. "But I don't know if it is the right thing."

Hank crossed his ankle over his knee and settled in to let Roy get all of his mixed up feelings off his chest. He remembered how scared he was when he passed the engineer's test. He remembered thinking how glad his wife would be when he gave her his first check to take to the bank like so many firemen's wives did, and how proud he would be to bring home more money. He also remembered how he thought he would miss hauling hose. Although, he also knew that the position of engineer held a great deal of responsibility for the safety of the crew, he also knew being a part of the line held a level of excitement and accomplishment that he would miss. Surely Roy would miss the paramedics, but life's filled with change. He would adjust just as others before him had.

"I mean… I know I may never be as good as Mike, but I will learn."

Hank smiled at the compliment for his engineer and waited for Roy's next words, but when no more came he lowered his foot back to the floor and sat forward resting his hands on his knees. "Change is hard." Roy looked up at him. "Real hard, but if you want to move up in the department engineer is the next step. You yourself said the extra money would help at home. I know it did when I moved up. If you're worried about Johnny…he'll adapt. He can work with anyone, and will be a great mentor to whoever he gets as a new partner."

Roy interrupted Hank at that comment. "So he's getting a new recruit?" His voice was laced with worry.

"Now, I didn't say that. Honestly, I don't know who will be assigned to him, but I do know he will work well with whoever it is."

"Yeah…yeah he will." Roy looked away again.

"What I also know is that you will be good at any job you decide to take."

"Thanks."

"You have to be committed 100% to the task. If you're not, then don't do it."

Roy looked up at that…Captain Stanley had just voiced the same concern as Mike had earlier "I will be. I am committed to it. I took the test didn't I? And passed it! I'll be promoted in the next few weeks." His face reddened.

"At ease, Roy." Captain Stanley held up a hand of silent gesture to let Roy know to stop the tirade before he let himself get out of control. "I don't doubt your conviction or your ability. What concerns me is the change in attitude and disruption it seems to have caused my crew."

"Hey Mike!" Dwyer called as he walked into the dorm.

Mike put his finger in front of his lips in a shushing motion.

When Mike darted his eyes toward Johnny's bunk Dwyer's followed. Then he quietly walked over to Mike. "He okay?"

Mike shrugged, "I think so, but that's how we found him…'bout an hour ago."

Dwyer smiled, "That why you're hold up in here…reading?"

Mike looked away. "No."

Dwyer could tell there was more to the story, but knowing how tight lipped Stoker was he knew better than to ask. "I'm first in today…."

Before he could continue the klaxons rang out through the station calling them to a structure fire.

Johnny sat up on the side of his bunk rubbing the sleep from his eyes before climbing to his feet and heading toward the squad.

Dwyer ran up beside Johnny, "You driving or am I?"

Johnny stopped and stared at Dwyer. Then he turned and looked around the bay for his partner. All the others were pulling on their gear and climbing into the engine. "Uh… I'm senior." He turned and walked around the back of the squad and climbed behind the wheel just as Cap handed the call slip through the still open door.

"You okay?" Cap asked him. Johnny met his superior's eyes and nodded. It was clear that Johnny was not one hundred percent, but if he said he was okay for the call then he would take him on his word. "Okay…let's roll."

The squad pulled out of the station first with the engine close behind…sirens alerting the oncoming morning traffic. Cars pulled to the side of the road to let them pass. Of the cars was a classic Porsche with a stunned paramedic behind the wheel.

When he left the station after Dwyer arrived he had thought their shift was all but over. Now he watched as his brothers passed him by on what might have been his last call at Station 51 if his promotion came in before their next rotation.

Without hesitation he pulled from the curb and followed in the wake of the red parade…careful not to speed, but pushing the little car as fast as the law allowed…maybe even a little faster.

It didn't take them long to get to the scene or for Roy to park a little ways down the street to watch. Mike pulled the engine to a stop and waited for Dwyer to pull the hose and loop it around the base of the hydrant.

Thick black smoke blanketed the sky above the deteriorating structure.

A crowd had gathered across the street. One man ran over to Mike as he stepped down from the engine. "They're still in there!"

Mike took him by the arm and led him around the engine to Captain Stanley. "Cap! This man says there are some people still inside." He calmly turned and walked back to the controls and motioned to Dwyer to turn on the hydrant. Chet and Marco already had a hose at the ready and waited for further instructions. The two paramedics ran up beside the man and their captain ready to go in.

"Gage, Dwyer…this man says there are two employees still inside, possibly second floor, left, third office on the right, make it quick."

Without hesitation the two men turned, ran toward the darkened doorway and disappeared inside. Chet and Marco were close behind with a fully charged hose offering as much support as they could until a second unit arrived.

Roy jumped out of his car and started walking toward the scene. If they needed him…

He stopped, ran his hand through his hair and turned back to the Porsche. Mike was already there…they didn't need another engineer.

Chapter Six

Stepping into the building was like stepping into one of those haunted houses at the carnival. Nothing looked like it should.

Thick black smoke hung in the air distorting everything; making it nearly impossible to navigate their way through the entry and into the space beyond. Johnny led the way with Dwyer close behind, one hand resting on Johnny's shoulder keeping contact between the two rescuers, the other reaching into the blackness.

Both men hunkered low…as close to the ground as possible while still able to walk; trying to get below the curtain of black. Eerie crackling noises echoed into the haze, a sound any seasoned firefighter would recognize as the electrical wiring being severed by flames inside the walls while the current struggled to reconnect. Sparks flashed from outlets as the dying charges flew from the broken wires like a strobe light at a party. Sounds of falling debris intensified the knowledge that they needed to make this quick.

Halting his progress, Johnny turned and pointed a gloved finger at the door on his left and then motioned with the same gloved hand at himself and then the door opposite. He watched as Dwyer tilted his head in question. Johnny repeated the motions and moved toward his side of the hall all the while thinking Roy would have understood without any direction, but now was not the time to dwell on that. Right now he and Dwyer had to find the missing people and get the hell out of there.

Passing his gloved hand quickly across the door, Johnny knew it was safe to enter. Light filtered in the dirty office window casting ghastly images through the thick smoke onto the dilapidated furnishings inside. He moved quickly around the space, careful to check beneath the desk. He shook his head knowing that people often hid beneath heavy furniture as if it would somehow protect them from the fire eating away at the very structure they were in. Sure it would give them some protection from falling debris, but smoke inhalation tended to get to them long before the fire ever did. Realizing he didn't have time to dwell he moved away from the desk and over to the shadows behind the file cabinets.

After a quick sweep, Johnny returned to the hall, closed the door and crisscrossed an X on the surface. He then turned to meet Dwyer as he exited the office he had been checking. They both nodded indicating no victims had been found before moving further into the darkened hall.

As the two paramedics moved deeper into the abyss, the linesmen directed the spray after them while still sweeping the lobby where they waited. Chet and Marco had positioned themselves between the main entrance of the building and the beginning of the hall to preserve their escape. Chet had the HT at the ready if Johnny needed them to move closer.

Johnny felt the hairs on the back of his neck bristle.

The heat in the room changed.

The smoke pulled back into the walls.

He knew in an instant they were in trouble. He stopped and held his hand out in a stop and wait movement, but Dwyer didn't recognize the movements that Roy would have responded to immediately.

Outside Roy alternated from watching the flames shoot up the side of the building to Mike Stoker as he watched the flames, hoses, gauges, Cap and the movements of the other crews. It was a lot to take in, but not that different than treating several patients at once, getting vitals, splinting fractures, applying bandages all while talking to the hospital and keeping an eye on the scene. The similarities outweighed the differences; both jobs held the lives of others in their hands.

He wiped the sweat from his brow with his shirt tail; with a huge sigh he pushed off the hood of his car and turned to walk over to the driver's door. He'd seen enough and right now felt totally unneeded.

As he reached for the door handle a noise caught his attention. The sound was unmistakable. A resonating boom shook his car. Air rushed past him. He flinched and ducked his head as debris pelted the windshield of his car.

In a few seconds he was running up beside Captain Stanley who was in the process of calling for another squad. The radio dropped to his side. Another squad was at least twenty minutes away. When he saw Roy surprise and relief washed over his face. "Man I'm glad to see you. Suit up Roy. We've got two possible code I's."

"Johnny?" Roy asked breathlessly.

"And Dwyer. Partial collapse."

"Any communication?" Roy asked as he turned to take the extra turnout coat Mike Stoker had pulled from the engine.

"Not yet."

"Chet and Marco?"

"They're inside keeping the exit clear."

"Good." Roy swung the SCBA around to his back, secured the straps and took the HT Mike handed him. "We'll find them." He said as he moved toward the entrance.

As he half walked half ran to the darkened doorway, he slipped the mask over his face and only stopped long enough to tighten the strap of his helmet before disappearing into the thick haze.

The building continued to groan. Dust and ash floated down from the floors above like snow on a winter morning, quietly drifting and spreading like a blanket over the pile of debris below, and beneath, two firefighters tried to clear the fog from their minds.

Johnny tried to call out to Dwyer, but it came out as an unintelligible raspy moan. In his mind he'd called out. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried again. "Dwyer?"

"Yeah."

Dwyer's voice came from right beside him, but without any light trying to reach out to him was disorienting; the throbbing in his head didn't help either. "Where are you?"

"Right here."

Johnny felt a hand grip his elbow. "You okay?" Dwyer hesitated a little too long before answering. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong except we just had a building practically land on our heads." Dwyer's voice was laced with agitation. "What about you? Any injuries to report?"

"Nah, I'm okay."

"Sure you are, Johnny…we both are…or at least we will be when they dig us out of here."