Memories Revisited
by GCS
Johnny and Roy rescue someone from a fire that Johnny thought had died
many years ago.
many years ago.
DISCLAIMER: "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. and Universal Studios. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. This story is only written for entertainment. No financial gain is being realized from it. The story, itself, is the property of the author.
John Gage approached the victim at a jog only coming to an abrupt halt just before dropping beside the fallen man, shock and realization gripping his chest so tightly that he almost couldn't draw a breath. Not until Roy called to him did he begin to assess the patient's condition. "Johnny! I need your help here." Johnny shook off his initial shock and proceeded to assist his paramedic partner in a very professional yet detached manner. John Gage would always be the ultimate professional while on the job. No matter the personal consequence. At this very moment he was rattled to the core, but he would not let that deter his efforts to provide the very best care for the patient. "Johnny?" Roy questioned his friend. "You okay Junior?"
"Yeah, yeah Roy I'm good, took in a little smoke back there. I'm fine. Pulse is 120, respirations 16 and labored. He is diaphoretic and shocky, request IV D5W," Johnny recited the required information to his partner and then sat back on his heels staring at the face before him. 'I can't believe this. Can it really be him? I thought he was dead. I thought….' Johnny's mind was racing as he heard Roy get approval for the IV from Rampart via the bio-phone. Johnny moved on automatic setting up the IV and oxygen recommended. Together like a well oiled machine he and Roy packaged the victim for transport. "You ride in with him Roy uh I'll bring in the squad."
Knowing that something had really rattled his partner Roy shook his head in agreement and stepped into the ambulance. Johnny shut the doors and gave the customary slaps on the back of the ambulance to let the driver know they were clear to go. He stood there in the street and watched the departing vehicle until it disappeared from view. He was still standing motionless in the street when Marco Lopez, his fellow Station 51 crew mate, stepped up beside him and asked if her were alright. Nodding that he was he turned and began to gather the rest of the squad's equipment. Marco helped Johnny load everything into the compartments on the squad and Johnny slid behind the wheel. "Thanks Marco. See you guys at the barn." Johnny smiled at his friend, but Marco could see like Roy had that something at this particular fire had affected John Gage in a very strong way. Thinking that maybe he should alert his Captain Marco went to find him.
Johnny pulled to a stop at the intersection just as the light turned to red. His mind drifted to a time in his youth when his family was complete. His mother stood in the kitchen to their small house making flapjacks while his dad read the paper. Johnny was busy setting the table. Sara Gage was a petite woman with beautiful long red wavy hair. She often wore it in a braid down her back. She was fair skinned and had a brilliant happy smile. Roderick Gage was a very tall thin Lakota Indian with black hair much like his son's. He also had very thick long hair worn in a braid. He was a stern man and demanded nothing but the best from his young son. Johnny was tall for his age and way too thin even as a young boy. He had not grown into his lanky body and tended to be very clumsy. His father made him nervous. Roderick always expected Johnny to be perfect in every way. Johnny had great difficulty living up to his father's expectations.
Suddenly a blaring horn brought Johnny back to the present. The light had changed to green and he had not moved. Johnny had not thought about his parents in some time. His mother had died a long time ago and well he had no clue what had happened to his father. Only that Roderick Gage had disappeared after his wife's funeral and had not been heard from since. Johnny had been forced to leave the only home he had ever known on the reservation to live with an aunt he did not know in the big city of Los Angeles, California. 'I must be dreaming. It cannot possibly be him, but the resemblance is uncanny, older yes, thinner too. He would not have abandoned me. Would he? I know he was devastated about mom, but he would have come back for me. I know he loved me. Why? Why would he not come back?' Johnny felt a shiver course through his over taxed body at the thought that their victim had been his father.
Arriving at Rampart Johnny made the customary turn into the Emergency parking lot to back in beside the ambulance. Seeing that Roy had left their gear on the sidewalk beside the ambulance Johnny stooped to pick it up. Glancing up he saw his partner walking up beside him.
"He's in treatment three with Brackett," Roy told him as he picked up the drug box and helped store the equipment.
"Oh?" Johnny questioned.
"Yeah Brackett thinks he may have already been dehydrated and malnourished before the fire. He must have been living in that abandoned warehouse, or at least sleeping there on cold nights. There was a mattress where I found him." Watching Johnny's face for any sign of discomfort Roy then questioned his friend. "You better?"
"Huh?"
"You know Johnny something back there got the better of you. You said it was the smoke. Care to talk about it?"
"No."
"Well we had better get our supplies before we get another run." Roy turned to reenter the hospital.
"Uh Roy, I think I'll just wait here in the squad."
"Okay Johnny. Are you sure you are alright?"
"Sure sure I'm just tired Roy. It was really hot back there."
Roy turned again and disappeared inside the automatic doors. Suddenly a realization struck Roy. That victim looked an awful lot like his friend. Maybe he should take a second look at the man. Returning to the treatment room Dr. Brackett and Dixie looked up at Roy as he stepped up beside the gurney to have a second look. "Roy?" Dixie asked the strawberry blond paramedic. "Is there something wrong?"
"Um I'm not really sure, but something about this man has my partner very upset and I intend to find out just what that is." Taking a closer look Roy realized that this could be an older and thinner John Gage. "I think Johnny's parents are both dead, but this could be a relative. Can you see the resemblance?"
Dr. Brackett and Dixie both stared down at their patient with astonished looks on their faces. Glancing back at Roy they both agreed with his assessment. "Well I think we need to talk to your partner. Where is he?" Dr. Brackett asked. "If he can shed some light on this man's identity then it is his responsibility to do so."
"He's in the squad. I think he has been shaken to the very core by seeing this man. He looked like he had seen a ghost back at the scene." Roy, Dixie and Dr. Brackett exited the treatment room only to run face to face into a very upset Johnny Gage.
"I um, I think, I thought he was….." Johnny stumbled over his words. He was visibly shaken and stood before his friends white as a sheet and trembling. He was obviously in shock.
"Johnny let's go to the lounge. You need to sit down and explain what is going on," Dr. Brackett grabbed the man by the arm and ushered him into the doctor's lounge. Roy put his hand against his friend's back to steady him. Dixie instructed Nurse Carol to stay with the patient and then followed her friends into the lounge. Johnny's head turned to face the door to the room where the man he had once known as his father now lay possibly fighting for his life, the life that Johnny had thought was lost long ago.
Back at the fire Marco explained to his Captain about Johnny's strange behavior. Captain Stanley decided that a detour to Rampart on the way back to the station might just be in order. He wanted to check on his youngest crew member to see for himself that Johnny was not injured. Knowing how much Johnny cared about his patients Captain Stanley hoped that this was just a case of worry for the paramedic and not another serious injury. Johnny had a knack for being injured at rescues due to his strong desire to save every victim often putting his own safety at risk. Pulling the Engine into the parking lot of Rampart the four men made their way into the Emergency department. Looking into the doctor's lounge they came upon a very distraught Johnny Gage just as he was telling Dr. Brackett, Roy and Dixie that he thought the victim might be his father and that he had been declared dead many years ago before Johnny had been brought to LA by his aunt. To say they were all shocked would be an understatement. They all knew of Johnny's loss and since his aunt had passed away a few years ago they thought that Johnny had no living relatives. Obviously Johnny had thought the same thing. Captain Stanley went to stand beside his youngest crew man to offer his strength. Placing a hand on the man's shoulder he looked into Johnny's eyes. "John we will get to the bottom of this. If this is your father we will stand beside you in whatever happens. You need to pull yourself together son."
Hank Stanley had been like a surrogate father to Johnny and his words comforted the man. Johnny sat slumped on the sofa in the lounge still in his turnout coat. "Let me help you with your coat John. Chet will put it in the squad for you. Marco, could you get John a cup of that hot coffee over there? Mike will you move the squad out by the Engine so we are not blocking the incoming rescue vehicles?" The men were used to following their Captain's directions and were glad to have something to do for the moment. Each one had strong feelings for Johnny. They were his family and would do anything to protect him. They felt the same way about each of the other crew members, but Johnny was the youngest and they each felt like he could be their little brother. "Dr. Brackett, can I see that man for a moment?"
"Well Captain Stanley he is unconscious at the moment, but I understand your need to see him. Follow me." Brackett and Stanley left the room and Roy took the seat on the sofa next to Johnny.
"Roy, how can this be, why would he have not come back for me?"
"I don't know Johnny. I hope we get the chance to find out. Maybe he was here in LA looking for you. Why else would he have come here from Montana?" Roy sincerely hoped that Johnny would get the answers he needed to gain peace in this bizarre situation. "Sometimes people cannot deal with the things that life throws at them. Maybe he just could not face that life anymore. You could have been the unfortunate victim of his inability to face his wife's death. Maybe he did not think he could provide for you since he couldn't provide life for your mom. Who knows Johnny, but what I do know is that you are a good man, a fine paramedic, one of the best, and you are my best friend. I will never leave you Johnny, never."
Johnny looked over at his friend and smiled a small smile of gratitude at his friend's declaration. He then resumed staring at his now cold coffee cup held tightly between his hands.
Marco had been standing against the wall beside the door waiting. Not wanting to interrupt the friends, but not wanting to be far away in case he was needed. Right now he stepped forward and put his hand on Johnny's hands slipping the cup from his grasp. "Johnny, we are all here for you. None of us will ever abandon you. Not in a million years." Johnny met his gaze and nodded his understanding to Marco. "Do you want some more coffee Johnny?" Johnny nodded the decline of coffee not wanting to try to speak fearing that everyone would hear the emotion in his voice.
Mike Stoker and Chet Kelly came back into the room with a tray of sandwiches and soft drinks. "We thought that we had better grab some lunch before we get called out again. We may not make it back to the station in time with all that is going on." Chet as always said just a little too much when trying to smooth things over for Johnny. He cared more deeply for Johnny than he would admit to anyone. More times than not that meant he usually said too much making matters worse.
"Here Johnny you should try to eat," Mike said as he handed Johnny a sandwich and drink.
"Thanks Mike," he said as he took the offered food.
Meanwhile in the treatment room Captain Stanley studied the man on the exam table. "He certainly looks like an older John Gage doesn't he, Doc?"
"Well we did some tests and he has the same blood type as Johnny. He has the same strong Lakota Indian features as Johnny and the same dark hair albeit his is graying a bit. I think Johnny would know his own father, but how long has it been since Johnny has seen him?" Dr. Brackett asked.
"He moved here to live with his Aunt Madge about 9 or 10 years ago when he was 16. I guess it was then. I will never understand how a man could abandon his own flesh and blood. Especially a good person like John," Captain Stanley shook his head in disgust at the thought.
There was a moan from the man on the table as he approached consciousness. "Wha…Where…where am I….who who are you…what what hap happened to me?"
"You were in a fire at an abandoned warehouse. I am Captain Hank Stanley of the LA county Fire Department. My paramedics got you out. You are at Rampart General Hospital. This is Dr. Kelly Brackett and Nurse Dixie McCall." Stanley told the injured man. "Can you tell us your name so we can contact your family?" He questioned the man hoping to shed some light on this strange day with the man's answer.
"I have no family. At least none that would want to see me. I left them behind years ago. Roddy is my name. Roderick Gage." Gasps could be heard from around the room at the mention of the patient's name. "Is there something else wrong here? Why the shocked looks?" he asked.
"Well Mr. Gage, one of the paramedics that rescued you today is John Roderick Gage and right now his is down the hall recovering from thinking he has seen a ghost," Dixie explained. "I think you have some explaining to do to help him understand why you have shown up out of the blue after such a long time."
"Dixie!" Dr. Brackett had to stop his head nurse before she went too far with this patient. No matter how upset they all were at the way this man had treated Johnny in the past would not excuse the lack of professionalism now.
"It's okay doctor. I deserved that I suppose. I could not face my son after his mother died. I was not strong enough to deal with the loss. She was everything to me. I found myself in a sanitarium after living on the streets for several years. I was released only a few months ago and have been looking for Johnny ever since. I don't think he will be very receptive to seeing me again though, since I turned my back on him. He was just a kid. He lost so much when Sara died. He lost his mother, and thanks to my inability to deal with that loss he lost his father as well. I only just found out that Madge had died. She was the only contact I have had with John for the past 9 years. When her letters stopped I knew something had happened. I owe him an explanation as you said. I don't know if he can forgive me for my shortcomings, but I owe it to him to at least give him the chance to decide."
Thinking how much like their friend Mr. Roderick Gage seemed they all agreed that this was between Johnny and Roddy, but whether this was the right time for this reunion or not had to be decided. "Well Roddy I think we need to get you settled into a room and give Johnny a chance to decide. He is on duty right now and will need to get back to the fire station. Perhaps it would be best to let him digest this new discovery overnight before you try to talk to him." Dr. Brackett suggested. "Dixie will get things ready for you and get you settled."
"Thank you doctor," Roddy Gage flashed a lopsided grin to his care givers that sent shivers down their spines at the similarity to their friend's smile.
The group left the treatment room and stopped in the hallway to discuss their friend. "Well Dr. Brackett it is true that John is on duty, but I suspect he will not be able to perform his duties under the circumstances. However, I do think he needs time to think about all that has happened today. I will stand the squad down until a pair of replacements can be called in. I think right now John needs his best friend to take him home. I also think he may need something to help him sleep tonight."
"Have you ever considered medical training Hank?" Kelly Brackett smiled at the Captain. "I concur on your prognosis and will see that the sedative is prescribed and filled here at the hospital pharmacy. I think Johnny does need Roy to take him home. He should not be alone right now. You are a good man Captain Hank Stanley."
Shaking hands the two men proceeded to return to the lounge to the waiting crew men of Station 51.
"Well men we have our duties to return to at the station. Mike, I'll meet you, Marco, and Chet at the engine. Roy you and John bring the squad back and then you are both dismissed. I have arranged replacements for both of you." Johnny looked up at his Captain to protest, but seeing the concern on his captain's face decided not to argue. "Roy you are to take John home and see that he takes this sedative. He looks like he could fall flat on his face as we speak. John as I am sure you already know the man in that treatment room is definitely your father. He has some things he wants to talk to you about, but I think that needs to wait until you are feeling better. He has traveled a very long road to get here, but he will explain that himself. He is being admitted to a room for at least the next few days. Now men let's get moving." Hank Stanley clapped his hands together signaling his men into action. The dazed firemen walked from the lounge towards their respective vehicles each patting Johnny on the back as they walked past him. "John, remember we are here for you, son," Stanley said as he once again gripped the shoulder of his man.
"Thanks Cap," Johnny whispered to his Captain.
"Come on Johnny, let's go," Roy guided Johnny towards the squad.
"Roy."
"Yeah, Johnny?"
"Could you wait for a minute? I….I..think..I think I need to see him again. Before. Before we go."
"Johnny, I don't think that is a good idea right now."
"I..I know, but…."
"Johnny, he is not going anywhere this time. He will be here in the morning."
"I know Roy, but I have to see him. I need to see him. It can't wait, Roy. I can't wait."
Johnny detoured to the nurse's desk to ask Dixie for his father's room. She agreed with Roy that this would be better handled tomorrow, but John Gage was one stubborn man. "Room 412, Johnny, but I think this should wait until you are calmer."
"I know Dix, thanks."
Johnny went towards the elevators and the answers he had been searching for for such a very long time. Stopping just outside room 412 he suddenly found that he was terrified of the answers he sought. What if his fears of not being good enough for his father were true? What if his fears of the hatred he had imagined his father felt for him were real? What if his father somehow blamed him for his mother's death? Sure she had died from illness, but what if? Johnny slumped against the wall and slid to the floor with his head in his hands.
Roy who had followed Johnny upstairs was at his side in an instant. "Johnny?"
"I don't think I can go in there Roy. I'm afraid. I'm a grown man, but I feel like a lost kid again. I can't deal with this. I may not be able to deal with this tomorrow. I may not be able to deal with this ever."
"Come on Johnny. Let me take you home. Joanne will fix us a good dinner and you can shower and relax at my place tonight. The kids would love to see you. We are your family now Johnny. Never forget that. You are not and never will be alone again. Remember that, Junior. This will work out somehow. Your father is here now. We will talk to him later, but this is not the best time. You are not ready." Roy helped his friend up from the floor and they again went to the squad. Roy was right as usual. Johnny needed to sort out his feelings before he could face his father. He wanted so badly for his father to tell him that he still loved him and that he was not responsible for his mother's death. He wanted his father's love. He always had. They were both hurt very deeply by the death of Sara Gage. They both needed to heal. It had been too long coming.
Arriving back at the station Roy turned the squad to back it into the space beside Big Red. Pausing before getting out of the vehicle Roy looked over at his friend, "Remember Johnny you have your Station 51 family. We will be right beside you. We will be here when you need us. Now let's get your Rover and head to my place. I will get Joanne to bring me back here for my car later. Okay?"
"Yeah, do you think Joanne is making roast?"
"Well let me call her before we head out to see if we need to pick anything up from the store on the way home. She was not expecting either of us tonight and may have been feeding the kids something easy like macaroni and cheese."
"Tell her not to go to too much trouble Roy. I don't want to put her out any."
"Junior one of the things my wife adores so much about you is how much you love her cooking. She would like nothing better than to fatten you up a bit," Roy said chuckling as he went to use the phone in the dayroom. Johnny wandered to the locker room to change into his street clothes and get his duffle bag and keys. Sitting on the bench his mind wandered again to his youth.
They had lived on a ranch on the outskirts of the Lakota reservation in Montana. The house was small and his mother kept it immaculately clean. The barn and corral and pastures were vast. Roderick Gage was quite the rancher. He could tame any horse. He knew how to work the horses without whips or rough treatment. Preferring to talk to them in his native tongue and caress them into obeying his commands, Roddy never had trouble selling his animals at market. Sara had kept a garden of fresh produce and tended the chickens and cows which provided them with plenty of good healthy food. Johnny helped both his parents on the ranch. He shared his father's skills with the animals, but for some reason he felt that is father did not think that Johnny lived up to his expectations of a man. Johnny suffered from a great deal of self doubt at his own clumsiness. He did not grow into his own body until after moving to California to live with his aunt. Then he became a runner, a good runner, an award winning track star at his high school, but his father was not around to see his son's accomplishments. Would he have been proud of him then? Thinking about his childhood caused a great sadness to come over Johnny as he sat staring into his locker, a single tear slid down his cheek, then another, and another. Feeling like a fool he wiped his hands across his eyes hoping no one had witnessed his lack of composure.
"Johnny, I talked to Jo. She needs us to stop by the market and pick up some potatoes to go with the roast. I'll get changed. Then we can head out," Roy said as he unbuttoned his uniform shirt and stood before his locker. Roy had seen Johnny's tears, but men did not discuss mushy stuff like crying with each other. Roy would afford his friend his dignity and never bring it up.
"Okay Roy. I could meet you at your house in the Rover if you want to take your car you know."
"Naw, that would not be as much fun as riding together and making you go to the grocery store with me, Junior," he smiled at his friend. "I have to pick up some personal things for Joanne too."
"Aw Roy no way man I'm not going down that isle at the store. You're on your own there man. I'll get the potatoes. You get the rest." The two men laughed as they exited the station. The engine crew knew they were there having talked to Roy in the kitchen, but they stayed put not wanting to interfere with the two men. They smiled at each other as they heard the banter between the paramedics as they got into the Land Rover. Captain Stanley patted his engineer, Mike Stoker on the back smiling as they listened to the paramedics. Mike shook his head and resumed sipping his coffee as he walked out to polish his engine.
Arriving some time later at the Desoto residence the two men were attacked in the front lawn by Roy's two young children Chris and Jenny. "Uncle Johnny, Daddy!" The two children yelled as they jumped from the porch and tackled the two men. "You're home!"
"Hey guys settle down. We are home for the whole evening. We will all have dinner together in a little while, but right now I think that Uncle Johnny and I need to shower and get changed Okay."
"Okay Daddy!" The two children gleefully accepted their father's explanation and ran around the house to play in the back yard while the men got cleaned up. They loved their Uncle Johnny and loved it when their daddy was home too. The two men entered the house to find Joanne busy preparing dinner in the kitchen.
"Oh Johnny, I'm so sorry you have had this shock today. I am thankful that you came here to be with us tonight. I love you John Gage. If I were not so happily married to Roy here I might even accept that proposal you are always offering me after you finish dinner. She stood on her tip toes to give Johnny a kiss on the cheek. He returned the hug gratefully. He needed his best friends more than they could possibly know. He knew that Joanne was teasing him, but he was very glad to know that some part of her statement was true. She loved him. She considered him special. She considered him family. He needed that. He had always needed that. Somehow she knew that from the start. Somehow Roy had known too. "Now you too smell like smoke. Off to the showers with you." She stopped Roy to give him a kiss before he could leave the room. "Thank you Roy for bringing him home, he needs us."
"I love you Jo."
"I love you too you big teddy bear. Dinner will be in an hour."
After a hearty dinner of roast beef, carrots, potatoes, green beans, rolls and chocolate cake the trio of adults decided to have coffee on the deck while the children played on the swing set. They had not talked about the man at Rampart. Roy and Joanne knew Johnny well enough to know that he was very private about personal matters. He would talk to them when he was ready and not before. They would wait on their friend to bring up the subject. They knew eventually that he would. "More coffee Johnny?" Joanne asked as she got up from the table.
"No thanks Joanne, I would like to talk to you and Roy though."
"Sure Johnny," she said as she sat back down.
"My dad and I got along okay when I was growing up. I mean we didn't argue or yell or anything like that, but I just never seemed to do anything right back then. I was clumsy. I guess I was the typical teenage boy who grew tall too fast and had to learn coordination all over again. I always seemed to make mistakes with the horses. Dad he didn't seem to trust me to handle them without his supervision. I don't know maybe he didn't want me after. You know after mom. Maybe he thought I would be too much trouble."
"Oh Johnny, I have to tell you this. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to Roy. I would probably fall to pieces, but I do know that I would be ever so glad to have my children with me. They are a part of him. They are a constant reminder of our love for each other. I cannot imagine that your father would feel any different. Perhaps he just could not face the part of you that reminded him of your mother. Perhaps his grief overcame his ability to make the right choices until things got too far out of hand," Joanne came around the table and held Johnny in her arms. "He loved you John. I know he did. He just didn't know how to deal with things then, but he is here now. Maybe the two of you can sort things out."
"I hope so Jo. I hope so. I need to. I can't keep living with the questions anymore. I thought he had died a long time ago. He was declared dead by the reservation and that is why Aunt Madge could bring me to California. She was awarded custody after he was declared dead. It was the only way she could keep me from being placed in foster care. If I had known he was still alive. If only I had known." Johnny was overcome with emotion and sobbed like a child against Joanne.
Roy reached across the table and squeezed Johnny's shoulder, "It's okay Johnny. Everything will be okay."
"Mommy, why is Uncle Johnny crying?" Jennifer asked her mother.
"He is alright Jenny. Uncle Johnny is just sad today. He is very very sad."
"Uncle Johnny don't be sad. I love you Uncle Johnny. Please don't be sad," the little girl climbed into Johnny's lap and squeezed him in a tight hug.
"Thank you Jenny Bean. I love you too," he said as he kissed the top of her head.
"Okay kids, time for baths and a bed time story," Joanne herded the kids into the sliding doors and towards their baths.
"Mommy can Uncle Johnny tell us one of his Indian stories tonight?" Chris asked.
"I don't think he is up to it tonight son. I'll read you a story while your dad and Johnny talk."
"Okay mom."
"You're a very lucky man Roy," Johnny told his friend.
"Yes I am."
"I think I'm going to turn in now Roy."
"Johnny I think you should take that sedative Dr. Brackett gave you. What you need is some uninterrupted sleep to make you better able to handle the day tomorrow."
"Okay Roy I will. Goodnight." Johnny stepped into the house and pulled the two tablets from his shirt pocket. Fixed a glass of milk and went to the sewing room where Joanne had set up a day bed for Johnny whenever he needed it. He often came here to recuperate after an injury. They had set up his special place some time ago when he had suffered from the monkey virus that had left him as weak as a kitten. The couch had not been private enough for him to sleep on during the day and he had needed a lot of sleep to get better. Johnny made himself at home in his little private space the Desoto's had made for him. He took the tablets and finished his milk before slipping beneath the covers. It did not take long for sleep to claim the exhausted man. He slept dreamlessly all night. Waking refreshed the next morning Johnny knew that today would be the day he would get his answers. Today would be the day he would see his father again. He was glad. He had missed his father. He wanted to see him. That much he knew. Old wounds were hard to overcome, but Johnny wanted to heal his pain. He wanted to heal his father's pain. He wanted to be a family again. If only his father wanted to be a family again too. Maybe Roderick Gage would come to live at Johnny's ranch with him for a while. Johnny got up with a new resolve to make things right with his father. He dressed quickly and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He was the first up as usual. Always an early riser to tend to his animals it was no different here at the Desoto's except there were no animals. He would wait on the deck and enjoy his coffee while the sun came up. Sunrise with a hot cup of coffee was like heaven to Johnny. Sunset with a beer or glass of wine was pretty nice too, but Johnny loved the start of a new day. This day in particular was a new day, a fresh start, a new beginning to the relationship between he and his dad, for that John Gage was truly thankful. He had thought his father dead, but now well now they had a chance at life again.
"Morning Johnny," Roy said as he joined his friend on the deck for coffee. "Sleep well?"
"Like a log partner."
Roy could see the new resolve in his best friend. "Ready to face the music?"
"Ready."
Roy smiled over at his friend. One thing about John Roderick Gage he was not afraid to face things head on. Oh sometimes he got sidetracked a bit, but he would come around and deal with whatever came his way. John Gage was a survivor. This would be no different. Johnny would face it head on and deal with the outcome whatever it might be.
"Roy thanks for last night. I really needed to be here with you guys, with my family."
"I know Johnny no thanks necessary. We need you in our lives too. Do you want me to go over to Rampart with you this morning?"
"No thanks Pally. This one I have to do by myself. I just hope my dad is ready because I know I am. I've missed him."
"Can you forgive him Johnny?"
"Nothing to forgive Roy, we both suffered. We both survived. Now it is time to set things right between us so we can have a future together."
"Johnny you could never hold a grudge could you."
"Waste of energy Pally."
"Yeah waste of energy. Good luck today Johnny. Remember your way back here if you need us."
"Thanks friend. I needed to know that."
"Anytime."
Johnny wanted to be at the hospital as soon as visiting hours started so that he could spend as much time catching up with his father as he could. He knew that Dr. Brackett would make sure he had access to his father whenever he was ready, but Johnny hoped that he would be able to go to see his father without running into any of his friends at the hospital. He did not want to lose the nerve that he had found after a good rest. Today Johnny parked in the visitor's lot in front of the hospital instead of the Emergency room lot as he usually did. He wanted to slip into the hospital unnoticed. He successfully made it to the 4th floor and walked up to room 412. Standing outside the door he wondered if he should knock or just go in. He stopped when he heard voices inside the room.
"Well Mr. Gage I know that you said yesterday that you wanted to give Johnny a chance to decide if he wanted to hear you out or not, but before you see him I would like to tell you a little about the man he has become." Johnny could hear Captain Stanley tell his father about his abilities as a fireman and paramedic. He could hear Captain Stanley describe his various injuries, the rattle snake bite and about the monkey virus. His father listened intently speaking very few times as he listened to Captain Stanley. "What I want you to know Mr. Gage is that your son is very well liked in the fire department. He has worked very hard to gain the respect that his fellow firemen have for him. He has excelled as a paramedic and is known as part of the best paramedic team in the county. Maybe even the state. In my book he is one of the best in the country. Johnny gives his all on every rescue. He cares about his patients and is a very conscientious man. He is kind and understanding and always the first to offer to help one of his crew mates if they need assistance. He has remodeled his ranch almost single handed; only allowing us to help when the job was a two man project. He is a proud man sir. A son any father would be proud of. I am proud to serve as his Captain. Now that said Mr. Gage I want to ask you not to hurt Johnny any more. If he is not ready to rekindle this relationship please grant him that choice. He means a lot to his Station 51 family."
"Captain Stanley, I came here to find Johnny to let him know that none of what happened was his fault. I never meant to hurt my son in the first place. I told you all of this yesterday. I do not wish to bring him any more sorrow or pain. He has suffered too long already. I only hope he will come here today and give me the chance to explain. Thank you for looking out for my son. He is lucky to work for such a good man. I am relieved to know that he was able to make a good life for himself. I am proud of him. I always have been. I just never knew how to show that to him. He has always been the kind of person you described, even as a young man, and please Captain Stanley call me Roddy."
"Well Roddy I am relieved to know that you only want to help your son. His feelings run very deep. I am sure that he wants to see you. I am sure that like you he wants to have a chance to try again to get to know you. That's the kind of person he is, never holds a grudge, always forgiving, always turns the other cheek. I'll be going now. I don't want to run into John this morning. I think it best that he not know I came to see you just yet. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help."
Johnny ducked into the men's room just as his Captain left his father's room. Peeking out of the door he saw Captain Stanley get on the elevator. When the elevators doors slid shut Johnny stepped out of the restroom. He stood in the corridor thinking about the protective nature his Captain had for him and how lucky he is to have such good friends. Turning towards room 412, John Gage knocked on the door and slowly pushed it open. "Dad, can I come in?"
"Yes son, it's good to see you."
"I um I thought you were dead."
"I know son and for that I am sorry."
"It's okay Dad. I'm glad I was wrong."
The two men talked for hours explaining the events that followed Sara's death. Sharing their grief like it was yesterday, discovering that they still had much in common and that both wanted to be a family again. Roddy explained his breakdown to his son and asked his forgiveness. Of course it was given. Roddy agreed to stay at Johnny's ranch until he was able to travel again. He wanted to go back to the reservation in Montana, for him that was home, and he had been away too long. Johnny was at home in LA, but they could certainly visit each other.
Who knows what tomorrow would bring, another sunrise on a new day. The next few sunrises would be spent together as father and son as it should have been all along.
"Yeah, yeah Roy I'm good, took in a little smoke back there. I'm fine. Pulse is 120, respirations 16 and labored. He is diaphoretic and shocky, request IV D5W," Johnny recited the required information to his partner and then sat back on his heels staring at the face before him. 'I can't believe this. Can it really be him? I thought he was dead. I thought….' Johnny's mind was racing as he heard Roy get approval for the IV from Rampart via the bio-phone. Johnny moved on automatic setting up the IV and oxygen recommended. Together like a well oiled machine he and Roy packaged the victim for transport. "You ride in with him Roy uh I'll bring in the squad."
Knowing that something had really rattled his partner Roy shook his head in agreement and stepped into the ambulance. Johnny shut the doors and gave the customary slaps on the back of the ambulance to let the driver know they were clear to go. He stood there in the street and watched the departing vehicle until it disappeared from view. He was still standing motionless in the street when Marco Lopez, his fellow Station 51 crew mate, stepped up beside him and asked if her were alright. Nodding that he was he turned and began to gather the rest of the squad's equipment. Marco helped Johnny load everything into the compartments on the squad and Johnny slid behind the wheel. "Thanks Marco. See you guys at the barn." Johnny smiled at his friend, but Marco could see like Roy had that something at this particular fire had affected John Gage in a very strong way. Thinking that maybe he should alert his Captain Marco went to find him.
Johnny pulled to a stop at the intersection just as the light turned to red. His mind drifted to a time in his youth when his family was complete. His mother stood in the kitchen to their small house making flapjacks while his dad read the paper. Johnny was busy setting the table. Sara Gage was a petite woman with beautiful long red wavy hair. She often wore it in a braid down her back. She was fair skinned and had a brilliant happy smile. Roderick Gage was a very tall thin Lakota Indian with black hair much like his son's. He also had very thick long hair worn in a braid. He was a stern man and demanded nothing but the best from his young son. Johnny was tall for his age and way too thin even as a young boy. He had not grown into his lanky body and tended to be very clumsy. His father made him nervous. Roderick always expected Johnny to be perfect in every way. Johnny had great difficulty living up to his father's expectations.
Suddenly a blaring horn brought Johnny back to the present. The light had changed to green and he had not moved. Johnny had not thought about his parents in some time. His mother had died a long time ago and well he had no clue what had happened to his father. Only that Roderick Gage had disappeared after his wife's funeral and had not been heard from since. Johnny had been forced to leave the only home he had ever known on the reservation to live with an aunt he did not know in the big city of Los Angeles, California. 'I must be dreaming. It cannot possibly be him, but the resemblance is uncanny, older yes, thinner too. He would not have abandoned me. Would he? I know he was devastated about mom, but he would have come back for me. I know he loved me. Why? Why would he not come back?' Johnny felt a shiver course through his over taxed body at the thought that their victim had been his father.
Arriving at Rampart Johnny made the customary turn into the Emergency parking lot to back in beside the ambulance. Seeing that Roy had left their gear on the sidewalk beside the ambulance Johnny stooped to pick it up. Glancing up he saw his partner walking up beside him.
"He's in treatment three with Brackett," Roy told him as he picked up the drug box and helped store the equipment.
"Oh?" Johnny questioned.
"Yeah Brackett thinks he may have already been dehydrated and malnourished before the fire. He must have been living in that abandoned warehouse, or at least sleeping there on cold nights. There was a mattress where I found him." Watching Johnny's face for any sign of discomfort Roy then questioned his friend. "You better?"
"Huh?"
"You know Johnny something back there got the better of you. You said it was the smoke. Care to talk about it?"
"No."
"Well we had better get our supplies before we get another run." Roy turned to reenter the hospital.
"Uh Roy, I think I'll just wait here in the squad."
"Okay Johnny. Are you sure you are alright?"
"Sure sure I'm just tired Roy. It was really hot back there."
Roy turned again and disappeared inside the automatic doors. Suddenly a realization struck Roy. That victim looked an awful lot like his friend. Maybe he should take a second look at the man. Returning to the treatment room Dr. Brackett and Dixie looked up at Roy as he stepped up beside the gurney to have a second look. "Roy?" Dixie asked the strawberry blond paramedic. "Is there something wrong?"
"Um I'm not really sure, but something about this man has my partner very upset and I intend to find out just what that is." Taking a closer look Roy realized that this could be an older and thinner John Gage. "I think Johnny's parents are both dead, but this could be a relative. Can you see the resemblance?"
Dr. Brackett and Dixie both stared down at their patient with astonished looks on their faces. Glancing back at Roy they both agreed with his assessment. "Well I think we need to talk to your partner. Where is he?" Dr. Brackett asked. "If he can shed some light on this man's identity then it is his responsibility to do so."
"He's in the squad. I think he has been shaken to the very core by seeing this man. He looked like he had seen a ghost back at the scene." Roy, Dixie and Dr. Brackett exited the treatment room only to run face to face into a very upset Johnny Gage.
"I um, I think, I thought he was….." Johnny stumbled over his words. He was visibly shaken and stood before his friends white as a sheet and trembling. He was obviously in shock.
"Johnny let's go to the lounge. You need to sit down and explain what is going on," Dr. Brackett grabbed the man by the arm and ushered him into the doctor's lounge. Roy put his hand against his friend's back to steady him. Dixie instructed Nurse Carol to stay with the patient and then followed her friends into the lounge. Johnny's head turned to face the door to the room where the man he had once known as his father now lay possibly fighting for his life, the life that Johnny had thought was lost long ago.
Back at the fire Marco explained to his Captain about Johnny's strange behavior. Captain Stanley decided that a detour to Rampart on the way back to the station might just be in order. He wanted to check on his youngest crew member to see for himself that Johnny was not injured. Knowing how much Johnny cared about his patients Captain Stanley hoped that this was just a case of worry for the paramedic and not another serious injury. Johnny had a knack for being injured at rescues due to his strong desire to save every victim often putting his own safety at risk. Pulling the Engine into the parking lot of Rampart the four men made their way into the Emergency department. Looking into the doctor's lounge they came upon a very distraught Johnny Gage just as he was telling Dr. Brackett, Roy and Dixie that he thought the victim might be his father and that he had been declared dead many years ago before Johnny had been brought to LA by his aunt. To say they were all shocked would be an understatement. They all knew of Johnny's loss and since his aunt had passed away a few years ago they thought that Johnny had no living relatives. Obviously Johnny had thought the same thing. Captain Stanley went to stand beside his youngest crew man to offer his strength. Placing a hand on the man's shoulder he looked into Johnny's eyes. "John we will get to the bottom of this. If this is your father we will stand beside you in whatever happens. You need to pull yourself together son."
Hank Stanley had been like a surrogate father to Johnny and his words comforted the man. Johnny sat slumped on the sofa in the lounge still in his turnout coat. "Let me help you with your coat John. Chet will put it in the squad for you. Marco, could you get John a cup of that hot coffee over there? Mike will you move the squad out by the Engine so we are not blocking the incoming rescue vehicles?" The men were used to following their Captain's directions and were glad to have something to do for the moment. Each one had strong feelings for Johnny. They were his family and would do anything to protect him. They felt the same way about each of the other crew members, but Johnny was the youngest and they each felt like he could be their little brother. "Dr. Brackett, can I see that man for a moment?"
"Well Captain Stanley he is unconscious at the moment, but I understand your need to see him. Follow me." Brackett and Stanley left the room and Roy took the seat on the sofa next to Johnny.
"Roy, how can this be, why would he have not come back for me?"
"I don't know Johnny. I hope we get the chance to find out. Maybe he was here in LA looking for you. Why else would he have come here from Montana?" Roy sincerely hoped that Johnny would get the answers he needed to gain peace in this bizarre situation. "Sometimes people cannot deal with the things that life throws at them. Maybe he just could not face that life anymore. You could have been the unfortunate victim of his inability to face his wife's death. Maybe he did not think he could provide for you since he couldn't provide life for your mom. Who knows Johnny, but what I do know is that you are a good man, a fine paramedic, one of the best, and you are my best friend. I will never leave you Johnny, never."
Johnny looked over at his friend and smiled a small smile of gratitude at his friend's declaration. He then resumed staring at his now cold coffee cup held tightly between his hands.
Marco had been standing against the wall beside the door waiting. Not wanting to interrupt the friends, but not wanting to be far away in case he was needed. Right now he stepped forward and put his hand on Johnny's hands slipping the cup from his grasp. "Johnny, we are all here for you. None of us will ever abandon you. Not in a million years." Johnny met his gaze and nodded his understanding to Marco. "Do you want some more coffee Johnny?" Johnny nodded the decline of coffee not wanting to try to speak fearing that everyone would hear the emotion in his voice.
Mike Stoker and Chet Kelly came back into the room with a tray of sandwiches and soft drinks. "We thought that we had better grab some lunch before we get called out again. We may not make it back to the station in time with all that is going on." Chet as always said just a little too much when trying to smooth things over for Johnny. He cared more deeply for Johnny than he would admit to anyone. More times than not that meant he usually said too much making matters worse.
"Here Johnny you should try to eat," Mike said as he handed Johnny a sandwich and drink.
"Thanks Mike," he said as he took the offered food.
Meanwhile in the treatment room Captain Stanley studied the man on the exam table. "He certainly looks like an older John Gage doesn't he, Doc?"
"Well we did some tests and he has the same blood type as Johnny. He has the same strong Lakota Indian features as Johnny and the same dark hair albeit his is graying a bit. I think Johnny would know his own father, but how long has it been since Johnny has seen him?" Dr. Brackett asked.
"He moved here to live with his Aunt Madge about 9 or 10 years ago when he was 16. I guess it was then. I will never understand how a man could abandon his own flesh and blood. Especially a good person like John," Captain Stanley shook his head in disgust at the thought.
There was a moan from the man on the table as he approached consciousness. "Wha…Where…where am I….who who are you…what what hap happened to me?"
"You were in a fire at an abandoned warehouse. I am Captain Hank Stanley of the LA county Fire Department. My paramedics got you out. You are at Rampart General Hospital. This is Dr. Kelly Brackett and Nurse Dixie McCall." Stanley told the injured man. "Can you tell us your name so we can contact your family?" He questioned the man hoping to shed some light on this strange day with the man's answer.
"I have no family. At least none that would want to see me. I left them behind years ago. Roddy is my name. Roderick Gage." Gasps could be heard from around the room at the mention of the patient's name. "Is there something else wrong here? Why the shocked looks?" he asked.
"Well Mr. Gage, one of the paramedics that rescued you today is John Roderick Gage and right now his is down the hall recovering from thinking he has seen a ghost," Dixie explained. "I think you have some explaining to do to help him understand why you have shown up out of the blue after such a long time."
"Dixie!" Dr. Brackett had to stop his head nurse before she went too far with this patient. No matter how upset they all were at the way this man had treated Johnny in the past would not excuse the lack of professionalism now.
"It's okay doctor. I deserved that I suppose. I could not face my son after his mother died. I was not strong enough to deal with the loss. She was everything to me. I found myself in a sanitarium after living on the streets for several years. I was released only a few months ago and have been looking for Johnny ever since. I don't think he will be very receptive to seeing me again though, since I turned my back on him. He was just a kid. He lost so much when Sara died. He lost his mother, and thanks to my inability to deal with that loss he lost his father as well. I only just found out that Madge had died. She was the only contact I have had with John for the past 9 years. When her letters stopped I knew something had happened. I owe him an explanation as you said. I don't know if he can forgive me for my shortcomings, but I owe it to him to at least give him the chance to decide."
Thinking how much like their friend Mr. Roderick Gage seemed they all agreed that this was between Johnny and Roddy, but whether this was the right time for this reunion or not had to be decided. "Well Roddy I think we need to get you settled into a room and give Johnny a chance to decide. He is on duty right now and will need to get back to the fire station. Perhaps it would be best to let him digest this new discovery overnight before you try to talk to him." Dr. Brackett suggested. "Dixie will get things ready for you and get you settled."
"Thank you doctor," Roddy Gage flashed a lopsided grin to his care givers that sent shivers down their spines at the similarity to their friend's smile.
The group left the treatment room and stopped in the hallway to discuss their friend. "Well Dr. Brackett it is true that John is on duty, but I suspect he will not be able to perform his duties under the circumstances. However, I do think he needs time to think about all that has happened today. I will stand the squad down until a pair of replacements can be called in. I think right now John needs his best friend to take him home. I also think he may need something to help him sleep tonight."
"Have you ever considered medical training Hank?" Kelly Brackett smiled at the Captain. "I concur on your prognosis and will see that the sedative is prescribed and filled here at the hospital pharmacy. I think Johnny does need Roy to take him home. He should not be alone right now. You are a good man Captain Hank Stanley."
Shaking hands the two men proceeded to return to the lounge to the waiting crew men of Station 51.
"Well men we have our duties to return to at the station. Mike, I'll meet you, Marco, and Chet at the engine. Roy you and John bring the squad back and then you are both dismissed. I have arranged replacements for both of you." Johnny looked up at his Captain to protest, but seeing the concern on his captain's face decided not to argue. "Roy you are to take John home and see that he takes this sedative. He looks like he could fall flat on his face as we speak. John as I am sure you already know the man in that treatment room is definitely your father. He has some things he wants to talk to you about, but I think that needs to wait until you are feeling better. He has traveled a very long road to get here, but he will explain that himself. He is being admitted to a room for at least the next few days. Now men let's get moving." Hank Stanley clapped his hands together signaling his men into action. The dazed firemen walked from the lounge towards their respective vehicles each patting Johnny on the back as they walked past him. "John, remember we are here for you, son," Stanley said as he once again gripped the shoulder of his man.
"Thanks Cap," Johnny whispered to his Captain.
"Come on Johnny, let's go," Roy guided Johnny towards the squad.
"Roy."
"Yeah, Johnny?"
"Could you wait for a minute? I….I..think..I think I need to see him again. Before. Before we go."
"Johnny, I don't think that is a good idea right now."
"I..I know, but…."
"Johnny, he is not going anywhere this time. He will be here in the morning."
"I know Roy, but I have to see him. I need to see him. It can't wait, Roy. I can't wait."
Johnny detoured to the nurse's desk to ask Dixie for his father's room. She agreed with Roy that this would be better handled tomorrow, but John Gage was one stubborn man. "Room 412, Johnny, but I think this should wait until you are calmer."
"I know Dix, thanks."
Johnny went towards the elevators and the answers he had been searching for for such a very long time. Stopping just outside room 412 he suddenly found that he was terrified of the answers he sought. What if his fears of not being good enough for his father were true? What if his fears of the hatred he had imagined his father felt for him were real? What if his father somehow blamed him for his mother's death? Sure she had died from illness, but what if? Johnny slumped against the wall and slid to the floor with his head in his hands.
Roy who had followed Johnny upstairs was at his side in an instant. "Johnny?"
"I don't think I can go in there Roy. I'm afraid. I'm a grown man, but I feel like a lost kid again. I can't deal with this. I may not be able to deal with this tomorrow. I may not be able to deal with this ever."
"Come on Johnny. Let me take you home. Joanne will fix us a good dinner and you can shower and relax at my place tonight. The kids would love to see you. We are your family now Johnny. Never forget that. You are not and never will be alone again. Remember that, Junior. This will work out somehow. Your father is here now. We will talk to him later, but this is not the best time. You are not ready." Roy helped his friend up from the floor and they again went to the squad. Roy was right as usual. Johnny needed to sort out his feelings before he could face his father. He wanted so badly for his father to tell him that he still loved him and that he was not responsible for his mother's death. He wanted his father's love. He always had. They were both hurt very deeply by the death of Sara Gage. They both needed to heal. It had been too long coming.
Arriving back at the station Roy turned the squad to back it into the space beside Big Red. Pausing before getting out of the vehicle Roy looked over at his friend, "Remember Johnny you have your Station 51 family. We will be right beside you. We will be here when you need us. Now let's get your Rover and head to my place. I will get Joanne to bring me back here for my car later. Okay?"
"Yeah, do you think Joanne is making roast?"
"Well let me call her before we head out to see if we need to pick anything up from the store on the way home. She was not expecting either of us tonight and may have been feeding the kids something easy like macaroni and cheese."
"Tell her not to go to too much trouble Roy. I don't want to put her out any."
"Junior one of the things my wife adores so much about you is how much you love her cooking. She would like nothing better than to fatten you up a bit," Roy said chuckling as he went to use the phone in the dayroom. Johnny wandered to the locker room to change into his street clothes and get his duffle bag and keys. Sitting on the bench his mind wandered again to his youth.
They had lived on a ranch on the outskirts of the Lakota reservation in Montana. The house was small and his mother kept it immaculately clean. The barn and corral and pastures were vast. Roderick Gage was quite the rancher. He could tame any horse. He knew how to work the horses without whips or rough treatment. Preferring to talk to them in his native tongue and caress them into obeying his commands, Roddy never had trouble selling his animals at market. Sara had kept a garden of fresh produce and tended the chickens and cows which provided them with plenty of good healthy food. Johnny helped both his parents on the ranch. He shared his father's skills with the animals, but for some reason he felt that is father did not think that Johnny lived up to his expectations of a man. Johnny suffered from a great deal of self doubt at his own clumsiness. He did not grow into his own body until after moving to California to live with his aunt. Then he became a runner, a good runner, an award winning track star at his high school, but his father was not around to see his son's accomplishments. Would he have been proud of him then? Thinking about his childhood caused a great sadness to come over Johnny as he sat staring into his locker, a single tear slid down his cheek, then another, and another. Feeling like a fool he wiped his hands across his eyes hoping no one had witnessed his lack of composure.
"Johnny, I talked to Jo. She needs us to stop by the market and pick up some potatoes to go with the roast. I'll get changed. Then we can head out," Roy said as he unbuttoned his uniform shirt and stood before his locker. Roy had seen Johnny's tears, but men did not discuss mushy stuff like crying with each other. Roy would afford his friend his dignity and never bring it up.
"Okay Roy. I could meet you at your house in the Rover if you want to take your car you know."
"Naw, that would not be as much fun as riding together and making you go to the grocery store with me, Junior," he smiled at his friend. "I have to pick up some personal things for Joanne too."
"Aw Roy no way man I'm not going down that isle at the store. You're on your own there man. I'll get the potatoes. You get the rest." The two men laughed as they exited the station. The engine crew knew they were there having talked to Roy in the kitchen, but they stayed put not wanting to interfere with the two men. They smiled at each other as they heard the banter between the paramedics as they got into the Land Rover. Captain Stanley patted his engineer, Mike Stoker on the back smiling as they listened to the paramedics. Mike shook his head and resumed sipping his coffee as he walked out to polish his engine.
Arriving some time later at the Desoto residence the two men were attacked in the front lawn by Roy's two young children Chris and Jenny. "Uncle Johnny, Daddy!" The two children yelled as they jumped from the porch and tackled the two men. "You're home!"
"Hey guys settle down. We are home for the whole evening. We will all have dinner together in a little while, but right now I think that Uncle Johnny and I need to shower and get changed Okay."
"Okay Daddy!" The two children gleefully accepted their father's explanation and ran around the house to play in the back yard while the men got cleaned up. They loved their Uncle Johnny and loved it when their daddy was home too. The two men entered the house to find Joanne busy preparing dinner in the kitchen.
"Oh Johnny, I'm so sorry you have had this shock today. I am thankful that you came here to be with us tonight. I love you John Gage. If I were not so happily married to Roy here I might even accept that proposal you are always offering me after you finish dinner. She stood on her tip toes to give Johnny a kiss on the cheek. He returned the hug gratefully. He needed his best friends more than they could possibly know. He knew that Joanne was teasing him, but he was very glad to know that some part of her statement was true. She loved him. She considered him special. She considered him family. He needed that. He had always needed that. Somehow she knew that from the start. Somehow Roy had known too. "Now you too smell like smoke. Off to the showers with you." She stopped Roy to give him a kiss before he could leave the room. "Thank you Roy for bringing him home, he needs us."
"I love you Jo."
"I love you too you big teddy bear. Dinner will be in an hour."
After a hearty dinner of roast beef, carrots, potatoes, green beans, rolls and chocolate cake the trio of adults decided to have coffee on the deck while the children played on the swing set. They had not talked about the man at Rampart. Roy and Joanne knew Johnny well enough to know that he was very private about personal matters. He would talk to them when he was ready and not before. They would wait on their friend to bring up the subject. They knew eventually that he would. "More coffee Johnny?" Joanne asked as she got up from the table.
"No thanks Joanne, I would like to talk to you and Roy though."
"Sure Johnny," she said as she sat back down.
"My dad and I got along okay when I was growing up. I mean we didn't argue or yell or anything like that, but I just never seemed to do anything right back then. I was clumsy. I guess I was the typical teenage boy who grew tall too fast and had to learn coordination all over again. I always seemed to make mistakes with the horses. Dad he didn't seem to trust me to handle them without his supervision. I don't know maybe he didn't want me after. You know after mom. Maybe he thought I would be too much trouble."
"Oh Johnny, I have to tell you this. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to Roy. I would probably fall to pieces, but I do know that I would be ever so glad to have my children with me. They are a part of him. They are a constant reminder of our love for each other. I cannot imagine that your father would feel any different. Perhaps he just could not face the part of you that reminded him of your mother. Perhaps his grief overcame his ability to make the right choices until things got too far out of hand," Joanne came around the table and held Johnny in her arms. "He loved you John. I know he did. He just didn't know how to deal with things then, but he is here now. Maybe the two of you can sort things out."
"I hope so Jo. I hope so. I need to. I can't keep living with the questions anymore. I thought he had died a long time ago. He was declared dead by the reservation and that is why Aunt Madge could bring me to California. She was awarded custody after he was declared dead. It was the only way she could keep me from being placed in foster care. If I had known he was still alive. If only I had known." Johnny was overcome with emotion and sobbed like a child against Joanne.
Roy reached across the table and squeezed Johnny's shoulder, "It's okay Johnny. Everything will be okay."
"Mommy, why is Uncle Johnny crying?" Jennifer asked her mother.
"He is alright Jenny. Uncle Johnny is just sad today. He is very very sad."
"Uncle Johnny don't be sad. I love you Uncle Johnny. Please don't be sad," the little girl climbed into Johnny's lap and squeezed him in a tight hug.
"Thank you Jenny Bean. I love you too," he said as he kissed the top of her head.
"Okay kids, time for baths and a bed time story," Joanne herded the kids into the sliding doors and towards their baths.
"Mommy can Uncle Johnny tell us one of his Indian stories tonight?" Chris asked.
"I don't think he is up to it tonight son. I'll read you a story while your dad and Johnny talk."
"Okay mom."
"You're a very lucky man Roy," Johnny told his friend.
"Yes I am."
"I think I'm going to turn in now Roy."
"Johnny I think you should take that sedative Dr. Brackett gave you. What you need is some uninterrupted sleep to make you better able to handle the day tomorrow."
"Okay Roy I will. Goodnight." Johnny stepped into the house and pulled the two tablets from his shirt pocket. Fixed a glass of milk and went to the sewing room where Joanne had set up a day bed for Johnny whenever he needed it. He often came here to recuperate after an injury. They had set up his special place some time ago when he had suffered from the monkey virus that had left him as weak as a kitten. The couch had not been private enough for him to sleep on during the day and he had needed a lot of sleep to get better. Johnny made himself at home in his little private space the Desoto's had made for him. He took the tablets and finished his milk before slipping beneath the covers. It did not take long for sleep to claim the exhausted man. He slept dreamlessly all night. Waking refreshed the next morning Johnny knew that today would be the day he would get his answers. Today would be the day he would see his father again. He was glad. He had missed his father. He wanted to see him. That much he knew. Old wounds were hard to overcome, but Johnny wanted to heal his pain. He wanted to heal his father's pain. He wanted to be a family again. If only his father wanted to be a family again too. Maybe Roderick Gage would come to live at Johnny's ranch with him for a while. Johnny got up with a new resolve to make things right with his father. He dressed quickly and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He was the first up as usual. Always an early riser to tend to his animals it was no different here at the Desoto's except there were no animals. He would wait on the deck and enjoy his coffee while the sun came up. Sunrise with a hot cup of coffee was like heaven to Johnny. Sunset with a beer or glass of wine was pretty nice too, but Johnny loved the start of a new day. This day in particular was a new day, a fresh start, a new beginning to the relationship between he and his dad, for that John Gage was truly thankful. He had thought his father dead, but now well now they had a chance at life again.
"Morning Johnny," Roy said as he joined his friend on the deck for coffee. "Sleep well?"
"Like a log partner."
Roy could see the new resolve in his best friend. "Ready to face the music?"
"Ready."
Roy smiled over at his friend. One thing about John Roderick Gage he was not afraid to face things head on. Oh sometimes he got sidetracked a bit, but he would come around and deal with whatever came his way. John Gage was a survivor. This would be no different. Johnny would face it head on and deal with the outcome whatever it might be.
"Roy thanks for last night. I really needed to be here with you guys, with my family."
"I know Johnny no thanks necessary. We need you in our lives too. Do you want me to go over to Rampart with you this morning?"
"No thanks Pally. This one I have to do by myself. I just hope my dad is ready because I know I am. I've missed him."
"Can you forgive him Johnny?"
"Nothing to forgive Roy, we both suffered. We both survived. Now it is time to set things right between us so we can have a future together."
"Johnny you could never hold a grudge could you."
"Waste of energy Pally."
"Yeah waste of energy. Good luck today Johnny. Remember your way back here if you need us."
"Thanks friend. I needed to know that."
"Anytime."
Johnny wanted to be at the hospital as soon as visiting hours started so that he could spend as much time catching up with his father as he could. He knew that Dr. Brackett would make sure he had access to his father whenever he was ready, but Johnny hoped that he would be able to go to see his father without running into any of his friends at the hospital. He did not want to lose the nerve that he had found after a good rest. Today Johnny parked in the visitor's lot in front of the hospital instead of the Emergency room lot as he usually did. He wanted to slip into the hospital unnoticed. He successfully made it to the 4th floor and walked up to room 412. Standing outside the door he wondered if he should knock or just go in. He stopped when he heard voices inside the room.
"Well Mr. Gage I know that you said yesterday that you wanted to give Johnny a chance to decide if he wanted to hear you out or not, but before you see him I would like to tell you a little about the man he has become." Johnny could hear Captain Stanley tell his father about his abilities as a fireman and paramedic. He could hear Captain Stanley describe his various injuries, the rattle snake bite and about the monkey virus. His father listened intently speaking very few times as he listened to Captain Stanley. "What I want you to know Mr. Gage is that your son is very well liked in the fire department. He has worked very hard to gain the respect that his fellow firemen have for him. He has excelled as a paramedic and is known as part of the best paramedic team in the county. Maybe even the state. In my book he is one of the best in the country. Johnny gives his all on every rescue. He cares about his patients and is a very conscientious man. He is kind and understanding and always the first to offer to help one of his crew mates if they need assistance. He has remodeled his ranch almost single handed; only allowing us to help when the job was a two man project. He is a proud man sir. A son any father would be proud of. I am proud to serve as his Captain. Now that said Mr. Gage I want to ask you not to hurt Johnny any more. If he is not ready to rekindle this relationship please grant him that choice. He means a lot to his Station 51 family."
"Captain Stanley, I came here to find Johnny to let him know that none of what happened was his fault. I never meant to hurt my son in the first place. I told you all of this yesterday. I do not wish to bring him any more sorrow or pain. He has suffered too long already. I only hope he will come here today and give me the chance to explain. Thank you for looking out for my son. He is lucky to work for such a good man. I am relieved to know that he was able to make a good life for himself. I am proud of him. I always have been. I just never knew how to show that to him. He has always been the kind of person you described, even as a young man, and please Captain Stanley call me Roddy."
"Well Roddy I am relieved to know that you only want to help your son. His feelings run very deep. I am sure that he wants to see you. I am sure that like you he wants to have a chance to try again to get to know you. That's the kind of person he is, never holds a grudge, always forgiving, always turns the other cheek. I'll be going now. I don't want to run into John this morning. I think it best that he not know I came to see you just yet. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help."
Johnny ducked into the men's room just as his Captain left his father's room. Peeking out of the door he saw Captain Stanley get on the elevator. When the elevators doors slid shut Johnny stepped out of the restroom. He stood in the corridor thinking about the protective nature his Captain had for him and how lucky he is to have such good friends. Turning towards room 412, John Gage knocked on the door and slowly pushed it open. "Dad, can I come in?"
"Yes son, it's good to see you."
"I um I thought you were dead."
"I know son and for that I am sorry."
"It's okay Dad. I'm glad I was wrong."
The two men talked for hours explaining the events that followed Sara's death. Sharing their grief like it was yesterday, discovering that they still had much in common and that both wanted to be a family again. Roddy explained his breakdown to his son and asked his forgiveness. Of course it was given. Roddy agreed to stay at Johnny's ranch until he was able to travel again. He wanted to go back to the reservation in Montana, for him that was home, and he had been away too long. Johnny was at home in LA, but they could certainly visit each other.
Who knows what tomorrow would bring, another sunrise on a new day. The next few sunrises would be spent together as father and son as it should have been all along.
08/02/09