Misconceptions
by GCS
DISCLAIMER: "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. and Universal Studios.
All rights reserved.
No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. This story is only written for entertainment. No financial gain is being realized from it. The story, itself, is the property of the author.
"Johnny!"
Pain assaulted him from everywhere…his head, his back, his shoulders, legs, even his ribs.
Debris continued to sift down through the hole above from where he had come crashing through the weakened floor.
'Where are you Junior?'
Thick smoke mixed with ash and dust swirled above making it hard to determine exactly how far he had fallen or where his partner had landed.
"Johnny can you hear me?"
'Please answer me.'
Listening intently for any sound, any sign of life, Roy Desoto tried to turn his head to gaze around the mountain of wreckage that now partially covered him. The only sounds he could discern came from his air tank alarm sounding the end of his precious air, the still settling debris and the crackling of the flames that continued to eat away at the structure above.
'Where are you Johnny? Please be alright. Please Johnny.'
He remembered the call to a fire at a convenience store.
He remembered the store manager telling Cap about a missing store clerk.
He remembered putting on his SCBA, entering the building with his partner, searching the main floor and ducking into the store room.
He remembered finding the victim unconscious and barely breathing, sharing his oxygen and quickly checking for a pulse.
He remembered picking up the young man in a fireman's carry, signaling to his partner that he'd found the victim, and turning to escape the burning structure.
He remembered feeling the floor buckle, the sudden rush of air as he fell through a fissure in the collapsing floor into the basement below.
That's all he remembered.
Now all he knew was pain, riveting; intense pain. Feeling nauseous he lifted his air mask, turned as best he could on his side and lost the contents of his stomach. Squinting through grit filled watery eyes he could see something nearby, a body, but who was it?
"Johnny?" No answer, no movement. "Is that you?"
He slipped his soon to be empty air mask back into place.
'Please don't leave me Johnny. Help will come.'
The edges of his addled brain grayed. Slipping into darkness his last thoughts drifted to emptiness.
He passed out.
"Roy! Cap I think I see something," Chet Kelly struggled with a large piece wall.
"Marco give me a hand here." Marco Lopez came over and helped Chet lift the large obstruction, moving it aside to reveal a body beneath. "Oh man, Cap I don't think he's breathing."
"Check for a pulse," Captain Stanley instructed.
Chet looked up at his superior and nodded his head. There was no life in the battered body. "Give me a blanket. At least we can cover him up."
A yellow blanket passed from defeated hand to defeated hand from one fireman to another, at times like this they were all brothers, no matter what station they hailed from, they all hated loss.
Marco helped Chet gingerly spread the yellow blanket across the body allowing for one last effort to offer dignity to the fallen man.
Hoping to find someone still alive they resumed the search.
"Over here," Marco called to his crew mate. "Roy, can you hear me? Cap I've got Roy. He's hurt bad."
Hands moved over his battered body checking for breaks and dislocations. His empty SCBA slipped from his face and an oxygen mask took its place. Securely packaged in a stokes he could feel his body being lifted. He turned his head slightly, as much as the C-collar would allow.
From the corner of his eye he could see the yellow blanket clad body being lifted as well. A hand, his hand, slipped from beneath. The long slender fingers hung limply, lifeless. "Nooo," Roy whispered so low that no one heard him. Darkness once again claimed him.
The crew from 51 carried the bodies from the ruined structure. The other stations would continue the cleanup while they followed Squad 16 to Rampart. Craig Brice rode in the ambulance with Roy, Bob Bellingham in the second ambulance, and the coroner would retrieve the yellow blanket clad man.
Hank Stanley walked sadly to his position in the Captain's seat aboard Engine 51. He stopped and looked at the black hearse with the words County Coroner stenciled across the back door. Death was often a result of their job, but the lump in his throat that followed this kind of call remained a clear indication that the seasoned Captain would never get used to seeing the yellow blanket clad bodies of lost lives.
Today would be no different. Today along with death came serious injury.
Shaking off the morose mood he climbed aboard and called in the follow up to Rampart with his crew.
Buzzing noises clouded his foggy brain.
Through the static he could make out a few words that were being discussed by someone in the room.
"Concussion… lucky he doesn't have a skull fracture, severe bruising and at least two broken ribs...sprained ankle…twisted knee…"
The words hung in his mind. 'Rampart, I've made it to the hospital, but Johnny…Oh God, Johnny.'
"Kel I think he's waking up," Dr. Early moved from the x-rays and came up beside the exam table. "Roy, can you wake up for me?" He waited. No response. "It may be a while before he's totally coherent. That's quite a knot on his head."
"Yeah Joe, I'm surprised there's no skull fracture. He still could have some swelling or a bleeder though. We'll keep a close eye on him," Dr. Brackett joined Dr. Early by the exam table.
Roy knew he needed to open his eyes, but he just couldn't bear the thought of the doctors telling him he had to face life without his best friend. He remained very still and concentrated on keeping his breathing slow and even. Gradually he relaxed toward exhausted sleep.
In the back of his mind he could still hear the doctors discussing another patient.
"Broken ribs, punctured lung…chest tube…possible skull fracture…still waiting for x-rays…trouble getting him out…debris…beam…bad…smoke inhalation…vent."
'The victim…if only I could have gotten him out. He just had smoke inhalation before I came along. Now…now he'll be lucky if he even lives.' Roy slipped into darkness thinking of his failure to prevent the young man from further injury.
"Dixie, let's get Roy settled into a room. I'll be up in a little while to check him. Right now I have someone else who needs my attention," Dr. Brackett turned to leave the room. "Tell Hank I'll be down to the lounge in a few minutes to let him know how Roy's doing."
"Okay Kel, I'll just get Roy cleaned up a bit first," Dixie wiped at the tear that threatened to escape from her watery eyes. "I just can't believe this Roy. I just can't." She dipped the warm rag into the wash basin and squeezed it again.
'Oh Dixie that feels so good,' Roy knew Dixie was cleaning him up. He thought the warm cloth felt like heaven against his face. 'I can't believe it either Dix. What are we going to do without him?' His thoughts went back to the scene. The slender fingers hanging limply from beneath the yellow blanket caused a shudder to course through his body.
"Roy? Come on…wake up for me…let me see those blue eyes." Dixie continued her ministrations hoping the soothing cloth would bring her friend back to consciousness.
Roy had other ideas. 'I just can't face you right now Dixie. It's my fault. I should have been more careful. I should have warned him. I should have told him to stay back. It happened so fast. I felt the floor. I knew we were in trouble.'
Dixie saw the flicker of movement beneath his eye lids, but he didn't wake up.
Finishing with her task she went to the phone to call the orderlies to move Roy into a room. Joanne would be arriving soon, and Dixie knew that seeing him in a regular room would go a long way toward helping her cope with this latest tragedy.
Joanne slipped quietly into the darkened room.
She slowly approached the bed where her husband lay attached to monitoring equipment, IV's hung from the pole and the tubing snaked beneath the blanket that covered him to his chest. "Oh Roy," she gasped. Her trembling hand reached to touch his arm. "Sweetheart, everything's going to be alright now." She bent down and gently brushed a kiss across his lips. "Everything's going to be just fine."
Dixie stood in the doorway waiting for Joanne to have the opportunity to see her husband privately. "Joanne, can I get you anything?"
"No thanks Dixie. I'll just sit with him for a little while." She lowered herself into the chair beside Roy's bed and closed her eyes in a quiet prayer.
Dixie moved to the man in the other bed to check his vitals. She reached beneath the blanket to grasp his wrist. She spoke softly as she took his pulse. "Okay Sweetie I'm just going to check your pulse while I'm here."
Roy cracked one eye open and looked from Joanne to Dixie. The man in the other bed lay on his side facing away from him. He could see his dark disheveled hair sticking out from the blanket pooled closely to his head. 'Oh Johnny, what have I done?' Roy closed his eye and a soft moan escaped his lips.
"Roy, can you hear me?" Joanne leaned closer trying to see if Roy was awake. "You're at Rampart. You're safe now." She patted his arm.
Dixie continued checking on the other patient. "When you feel up to it we'll get you cleaned up and change that tape on your broken ribs." She tucked his arm back beneath the blanket, smoothed the hair from his forehead checking for warmth, and moved to the chart hanging on the end of the bed to notate her readings.
Once she finished checking on the other patient Dixie joined Joanne beside Roy's bed.
"What about Johnny?" Joanne met Dixie's eyes looking for some sign as to his condition.
'No Joanne don't ask about Johnny. He's not here. I don't want to hear about him.' Roy tried to block out the conversation. He couldn't bear to hear Dixie tell Joanne that Johnny hadn't survived. He already knew.
Dixie nodded toward the door, "Joanne, why don't you and I go get a cup of coffee? I'll tell you everything I know. Then you can come back and sit with Roy for a while."
Roy was silently relieved that Dixie led Joanne from the room before discussing his best friend.
He opened his eyes after he heard the door close. Looking across the room he noticed the man in the next bed reminded him of his partner. The messy sable hair and thin build were stark reminders of what he'd lost. Tears slid from his eyes.
Hearing the door open he quickly closed his eyes and again feigned sleep.
"I think he's asleep." A husky voice could be heard from the doorway.
"We won't bother him. I just need to see for myself that he's alright."
"Come on amigo move over. If we don't get out of the hall the nurse will know we snuck up here."
Roy knew there were several voices in the room. He thought he recognized them. Chancing a peek he cracked open one eye. He could see silhouetted in the light from the window in the door there stood at least three men, possibly two about the same height and at least one taller. He couldn't be sure.
"Man he still looks bad," a hand slowly raised and ran through the hair of the taller man.
A nurse pushed open the door behind the men. "You're not supposed to be in here."
"Yes ma'am. We uh…we just…we needed to be sure…ya know?"
"Alright, but you'll have to leave now." She held the door open and led them from the room.
Roy sighed and whispered, "I'm sorry guys." He closed his eyes.
Some time later Joanne returned to Roy's room to find he had a visitor. A tall dark haired man sat in the hard plastic chair beside the bed. His head hung to his chest, his breaths slow and even. He was asleep. Joanne walked softly up beside the man and placed her hand on his shoulder. He stirred and looked up at her. "You know you should be home resting."
"Yeah I know, but I almost lost him today. I needed to see for myself that he was still here." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's been a rough day."
"I know, but really you need to go home now. I'm going to stay for a while. I hate to leave him, but I need to be home with the children or they'll be afraid. He's in good hands here at Rampart. We can both come back tomorrow." She squeezed his shoulder.
"Okay Joanne. I'll go now, but you'll call me if you need anything, anything at all." He stood and hugged her tightly.
"I'll call."
He patted Roy on the shoulder, "Hang in there Pally." Then he left the room pausing to glance at the two patients and Joanne on his way out the door.
Dr. Brackett entered the room a few minutes later, "Joanne, how's our star patient?"
"He hasn't woken up yet. I'm really worried Dr. Brackett. Is he going to be alright?"
Kel Brackett looked over Roy's chart, "There is no medical reason he hasn't regained consciousness yet. Give him some time Joanne. He took quite a fall. I'm sure he'll be awake by morning. Now if you'll excuse me I have another patient to check on."
"Thank you Dr. Brackett."
"You're welcome. He means a lot to us." Kel smiled at Roy. "Was that Hank I just saw leaving?"
"Yes, I told him to go home." Joanne smiled. "He needs to rest. They'll all be back on shift before you know it. Roy will be chomping at the bit to get back as soon as he's awake. I tell you those firemen are an extraordinary bunch. They really love running into burning buildings."
Dr. Brackett laughed with her, "Yeah they're extraordinary all right especially the Paramedics. Well I'll check on him again a little later. I'm sure Dixie will be up too. You okay to get home?"
"Yes I'll be fine." She took a seat in the plastic chair.
A few minutes later a nurse came into the room with a tray, smiled at Joanne, and walked over to the other bed, "John I need you to wake up now and try to eat something."
Every muscle in Roy's body tensed. 'John's not here. Why doesn't anyone get that? That's not Johnny. He's not here.'
"Roy? Honey can you hear me?" Joanne spoke softly so as not to disturb the others in the room.
The man in the other bed stirred and tried to sit up. The nurse raised the head of the bed. "Thank you." He whispered hoarsely.
"You're very welcome. Now your doctor promised to let you go home tomorrow if you eat all of your dinner and breakfast in the morning. I'll be back after you finish, to get the tray." She smiled at Joanne as she left.
Joanne looked over at the man across the room, "Hello, I'm Joanne Desoto. This is my husband Roy. He's a fireman."
"Hi, I'm John. Was your husband hurt on the job?"
"Yes he got caught in a building collapse. He has a concussion, but he'll be awake soon." She smiled lovingly at Roy and smoothed the hair from his forehead.
"I heard something about that. Wasn't there three people? Didn't one die?"
"Yes." Joanne teared up at the memory.
"I'm sorry. It must be very hard."
"It is." She reached out and took Roy's hand in hers. "It's very hard."
"Car accident." He told her.
"What, oh you were in a car accident?"
"Yeah, broken ribs, but they said I might get out of here tomorrow." He smiled. "I hope your husband wakes up soon." John pushed the table with the finished dinner tray away.
"He will." Joanne stroked his hand, "won't you honey."
'I will Joanne, just as soon as I can look you in the eyes and tell you how sorry I am that I let Johnny down.'
Joanne leaned close to her husband's ear, "He reminds me of our Johnny, tall, thin, and dark hair. Don't you think he looks like Johnny? Come on sweetheart it's time to wake up now. I have to go pick up the kids soon, and we need to talk before I go."
Roy slowly opened his eyes and met hers. She smiled down at him, bent down and lightly kissed his trembling lips. "Oh Roy, everything is alright. You're at Rampart. I'll get the nurse to page Dr. Brackett. He'll want to know you're awake." Joanne pressed the nurse's call button.
Roy just looked at her and let his tears fall down the sides of his face into his hair.
"Shh, it's alright. You're alright now." Joanne said soothingly.
'No Jo, it isn't.' Roy thought. 'Nothing will ever be alright again.' He slowly closed his eyes.
"Oh no you don't Roy Desoto, you need to stay awake and talk to the doctor."
"Joanne, is he awake?" Dr. Brackett asked as he walked up next to the bed. "Roy, how are you doing?"
Roy slowly blinked his eyes open again and looked up at Dr. Brackett. "Um, I…." His throat was dry and his emotions in turmoil. He couldn't speak.
"Do you know what day it is?" Brackett asked.
'Yeah, it's the day I lost my best friend.' His forehead wrinkled. "T..tuesd..Tuesday," he stuttered.
"Good, do you know what happened?" Brackett made some notes in his chart.
"Floor collapse at the store." He closed his eyes. "J..j…Johnny." Roy tried to tell them he knew about Johnny, but he choked on the words.
"Let's worry about you right now. You have a concussion, several broken ribs, a sprained ankle and twisted knee. All in all you are one very lucky man." Brackett snapped the chart closed and hung it on the hook at the end of the bed.
"L..l..lucky? humph." Roy let out an exasperated breath.
"Joanne, I think he will be fine. He'll have to take it easy for a few days. We'll keep him here for at least twenty four hours, maybe forty eight. Then he can recuperate at home with you. I'll check on his progress in about a week after you get him home. We'll decide when he can return to work after that. Okay?" Brackett put his hand on her shoulder, "He'll be back in the Squad before you know it." He smiled.
'Not going back in the Squad without Johnny. Don't want to be a paramedic without Johnny.' Roy closed his eyes thinking his career was over and drifted to sleep.
Joanne left sometime later that evening to take care of Chris and Jenny. She would be back tomorrow. Roy slept most of the night except for the neuro checks every two hours. He woke up the next morning just in time to see the dark haired man named John getting discharged. He never spoke to the man. He kept his eyes closed until he was alone in the room.
A short while later the bed next to him was changed and a breakfast tray with some kind of unrecognizable white mush and some green Jello accompanied by apple juice appeared on his bed table. Just looking at it made him sick to his stomach, but he knew he had to at least try to eat some.
Dixie stood in the doorway watching him pick at the food. "You know you'll have to eat better than that if you expect Kel to let you out of here." She walked over to the bedside.
Roy looked up sheepishly, "Hi Dix."
"It's good to see you finally awake. You had us worried Roy Desoto." She reached for his wrist to check his pulse. "How's your headache?"
"Not too bad."
"Oh really. Is that why you're squinting? I'd say it's about an 8 out of 10." She put her hand on her hip. "Now why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"
Roy's gaze found his hands. He couldn't look her in the eye knowing what he knew. "Nothing."
"Now Roy Desoto, we've been friends for a long time. I know you. Something has you all in knots. You'll feel better if you talk about it, and we both know it."
Roy nodded. "I can't Dix."
"When you're ready." She patted his hand. "I'll be here when you're ready to talk. Right now I have to see about another patient that we are hoping to move out of ICU. If you promise to behave we might bring you a room mate." With that she turned to leave. "Roy, remember when you're ready to talk about things, you just have me paged."
"Okay." He never looked up.
Sometime later that morning while he napped another patient had been moved in to his room. He raised the head of his bed. He didn't feel like watching TV. He looked over at the other bed at the sleeping man noticing the oxygen mask. The man's face was turned away from him. Roy winced when he noticed the dark unruly hair. 'Not again. Why do they all have to remind me of Johnny?'
The man groaned and raised his arm over his head and laid it on the pillow. 'That is so like the way Johnny sleeps. I mean it's not over his eyes, but it is over his head. He has a bandage on his forehead. If that was Johnny he wouldn't put his arm over his bandage. He would know better.'
Roy couldn't watch the man who so very much reminded him of his best friend. He lowered the bed and turned away from the other bed and faced the wall closing his eyes.
Other than the hiss of oxygen and sounds of sleeping men the room settled into quiet.
Dixie came to check on the two men. She first checked Roy's vitals making notes on his chart. Then she moved to the other bed. "Hello handsome." She smoothed the hair from the bandage on his forehead. "How're you feeling?" His eyes blinked slowly, but he didn't speak. "You're lucky you didn't have a skull fracture, but it's still a pretty serious concussion." He blinked again struggling to keep his eyes open. "Just sleep sweetheart. Everything will be okay now." She tucked the blankets snuggly around his thin form. "I'll be back in a little while."
The two men continued to sleep until Roy's lunch tray arrived. He turned and raised the head of the bed again and looked at the brown pureed mush that was supposed to be his lunch. He replaced the cover on the plate and pushed it away. He wasn't hungry.
The dark haired man on the other side of the room turned toward him and said something Roy could not make out. "Can't go home until you eat." The mask muffled the words.
Roy turned to face the man and froze, his mouth open as if he were about to speak, his eyes wide in disbelief.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." The dark haired man mumbled.
"What?" Roy whispered. "How?"
He reached up and removed the mask. "I said you look like you've seen a ghost," he whispered tiredly.
Joanne chose that moment to come visit. Walking into the room she first went to her husband, "Oh Roy you're looking better today." She hugged him. He sat very still. He didn't return the hug. He just stared at the man in the other bed. Joanne stepped back and followed her husbands gaze. "Oh sweetheart you're out of ICU." She moved to the other patient and gave him a hug.
"Hey Jo, what's with him?"
"I don't know." She looked back at her husband who was still staring. "Roy?"
"I thought…I saw your hand. I just knew you were under the blanket." He rubbed his eyes.
"What are you talking about Roy?" Joanne asked.
Before Roy could answer Captain Stanley, Mike Stoker, Chet Kelly and Marco Lopez came in the room. "Roy, man it's good to see you awake." Captain Stanley patted him on the shoulder. "And you. I'm sure glad they let you out of ICU." He walked over to the other bed.
"Are you guys nuts?" Roy asked. "He's not supposed to be here."
"Why not? Dr. Brackett thought he was well enough to move to a regular room. He probably thought you would want him for a room mate." Chet spoke up. "What's with you Roy?"
Mike walked over to Roy and gripped his shoulder. "Roy? You didn't know."
Roy looked at Mike. "No."
"¡Ah mi Dios!" Marco said. "You thought…"
"Wait," Cap cut Marco off. "Roy you didn't think it was him?"
"Yeah," Roy answered reaching up to wipe tears from his cheeks. "I thought it was him."
"Would someone please tell me what you're talking about?" Joanne asked. She was totally confused at the broken conversation.
"You thought I was the one."
Roy looked over at the man, "Yes, I thought I had let you down."
"That would never happen."
"You're alright?"
"Yeah, I am now." He replaced the oxygen mask on his face. He was wheezing and short of breath. Leaning back on his pillow he put his arm over his eyes. "I'm tired."
"I guess that's our cue to leave. You two take it easy. We'll check on you later." Captain Stanley ushered his engine crew from the room.
"See ya," Chet said as he was pushed out the door. "Hey, I'm goin'."
"Roy."
"Yeah?"
"They told me you hadn't woken up. Is that why? Were you feeling guilty?" He raised his arm and peeked at Roy.
"Yeah." Roy looked at his wife and shrugged.
"Roy Desoto if you didn't already have a concussion I would give you one." Joanne put her hands on her hips, "Honestly, all you had to do was ask. I could have told you he had a punctured lung and a chest tube. That's why he was in ICU in the first place. What were you thinking?"
"I thought…the hand from under the yellow blanket…I thought it was him. I didn't know." He hung his head to his chest. "I'm really glad I was wrong."
"I'm glad too, but next time, just ask." Joanne huffed. Roy relaxed back on his bed. Joanne sat down in the chair between her husband and his best friend. "I wish I could understand the two of you."
"Johnny."
"Yeah Roy?"
"The kid at the store, he's the one."
"Yeah, he's the one."
"I'm sorry."
"He broke his neck when we fell."
"I should have gotten him out." Roy looked over at Johnny.
"Roy you didn't make the floor fall out from under us." Johnny looked to Roy. "It wasn't your fault."
"Thanks Junior."
The End.
02/25/10
Pain assaulted him from everywhere…his head, his back, his shoulders, legs, even his ribs.
Debris continued to sift down through the hole above from where he had come crashing through the weakened floor.
'Where are you Junior?'
Thick smoke mixed with ash and dust swirled above making it hard to determine exactly how far he had fallen or where his partner had landed.
"Johnny can you hear me?"
'Please answer me.'
Listening intently for any sound, any sign of life, Roy Desoto tried to turn his head to gaze around the mountain of wreckage that now partially covered him. The only sounds he could discern came from his air tank alarm sounding the end of his precious air, the still settling debris and the crackling of the flames that continued to eat away at the structure above.
'Where are you Johnny? Please be alright. Please Johnny.'
He remembered the call to a fire at a convenience store.
He remembered the store manager telling Cap about a missing store clerk.
He remembered putting on his SCBA, entering the building with his partner, searching the main floor and ducking into the store room.
He remembered finding the victim unconscious and barely breathing, sharing his oxygen and quickly checking for a pulse.
He remembered picking up the young man in a fireman's carry, signaling to his partner that he'd found the victim, and turning to escape the burning structure.
He remembered feeling the floor buckle, the sudden rush of air as he fell through a fissure in the collapsing floor into the basement below.
That's all he remembered.
Now all he knew was pain, riveting; intense pain. Feeling nauseous he lifted his air mask, turned as best he could on his side and lost the contents of his stomach. Squinting through grit filled watery eyes he could see something nearby, a body, but who was it?
"Johnny?" No answer, no movement. "Is that you?"
He slipped his soon to be empty air mask back into place.
'Please don't leave me Johnny. Help will come.'
The edges of his addled brain grayed. Slipping into darkness his last thoughts drifted to emptiness.
He passed out.
"Roy! Cap I think I see something," Chet Kelly struggled with a large piece wall.
"Marco give me a hand here." Marco Lopez came over and helped Chet lift the large obstruction, moving it aside to reveal a body beneath. "Oh man, Cap I don't think he's breathing."
"Check for a pulse," Captain Stanley instructed.
Chet looked up at his superior and nodded his head. There was no life in the battered body. "Give me a blanket. At least we can cover him up."
A yellow blanket passed from defeated hand to defeated hand from one fireman to another, at times like this they were all brothers, no matter what station they hailed from, they all hated loss.
Marco helped Chet gingerly spread the yellow blanket across the body allowing for one last effort to offer dignity to the fallen man.
Hoping to find someone still alive they resumed the search.
"Over here," Marco called to his crew mate. "Roy, can you hear me? Cap I've got Roy. He's hurt bad."
Hands moved over his battered body checking for breaks and dislocations. His empty SCBA slipped from his face and an oxygen mask took its place. Securely packaged in a stokes he could feel his body being lifted. He turned his head slightly, as much as the C-collar would allow.
From the corner of his eye he could see the yellow blanket clad body being lifted as well. A hand, his hand, slipped from beneath. The long slender fingers hung limply, lifeless. "Nooo," Roy whispered so low that no one heard him. Darkness once again claimed him.
The crew from 51 carried the bodies from the ruined structure. The other stations would continue the cleanup while they followed Squad 16 to Rampart. Craig Brice rode in the ambulance with Roy, Bob Bellingham in the second ambulance, and the coroner would retrieve the yellow blanket clad man.
Hank Stanley walked sadly to his position in the Captain's seat aboard Engine 51. He stopped and looked at the black hearse with the words County Coroner stenciled across the back door. Death was often a result of their job, but the lump in his throat that followed this kind of call remained a clear indication that the seasoned Captain would never get used to seeing the yellow blanket clad bodies of lost lives.
Today would be no different. Today along with death came serious injury.
Shaking off the morose mood he climbed aboard and called in the follow up to Rampart with his crew.
Buzzing noises clouded his foggy brain.
Through the static he could make out a few words that were being discussed by someone in the room.
"Concussion… lucky he doesn't have a skull fracture, severe bruising and at least two broken ribs...sprained ankle…twisted knee…"
The words hung in his mind. 'Rampart, I've made it to the hospital, but Johnny…Oh God, Johnny.'
"Kel I think he's waking up," Dr. Early moved from the x-rays and came up beside the exam table. "Roy, can you wake up for me?" He waited. No response. "It may be a while before he's totally coherent. That's quite a knot on his head."
"Yeah Joe, I'm surprised there's no skull fracture. He still could have some swelling or a bleeder though. We'll keep a close eye on him," Dr. Brackett joined Dr. Early by the exam table.
Roy knew he needed to open his eyes, but he just couldn't bear the thought of the doctors telling him he had to face life without his best friend. He remained very still and concentrated on keeping his breathing slow and even. Gradually he relaxed toward exhausted sleep.
In the back of his mind he could still hear the doctors discussing another patient.
"Broken ribs, punctured lung…chest tube…possible skull fracture…still waiting for x-rays…trouble getting him out…debris…beam…bad…smoke inhalation…vent."
'The victim…if only I could have gotten him out. He just had smoke inhalation before I came along. Now…now he'll be lucky if he even lives.' Roy slipped into darkness thinking of his failure to prevent the young man from further injury.
"Dixie, let's get Roy settled into a room. I'll be up in a little while to check him. Right now I have someone else who needs my attention," Dr. Brackett turned to leave the room. "Tell Hank I'll be down to the lounge in a few minutes to let him know how Roy's doing."
"Okay Kel, I'll just get Roy cleaned up a bit first," Dixie wiped at the tear that threatened to escape from her watery eyes. "I just can't believe this Roy. I just can't." She dipped the warm rag into the wash basin and squeezed it again.
'Oh Dixie that feels so good,' Roy knew Dixie was cleaning him up. He thought the warm cloth felt like heaven against his face. 'I can't believe it either Dix. What are we going to do without him?' His thoughts went back to the scene. The slender fingers hanging limply from beneath the yellow blanket caused a shudder to course through his body.
"Roy? Come on…wake up for me…let me see those blue eyes." Dixie continued her ministrations hoping the soothing cloth would bring her friend back to consciousness.
Roy had other ideas. 'I just can't face you right now Dixie. It's my fault. I should have been more careful. I should have warned him. I should have told him to stay back. It happened so fast. I felt the floor. I knew we were in trouble.'
Dixie saw the flicker of movement beneath his eye lids, but he didn't wake up.
Finishing with her task she went to the phone to call the orderlies to move Roy into a room. Joanne would be arriving soon, and Dixie knew that seeing him in a regular room would go a long way toward helping her cope with this latest tragedy.
Joanne slipped quietly into the darkened room.
She slowly approached the bed where her husband lay attached to monitoring equipment, IV's hung from the pole and the tubing snaked beneath the blanket that covered him to his chest. "Oh Roy," she gasped. Her trembling hand reached to touch his arm. "Sweetheart, everything's going to be alright now." She bent down and gently brushed a kiss across his lips. "Everything's going to be just fine."
Dixie stood in the doorway waiting for Joanne to have the opportunity to see her husband privately. "Joanne, can I get you anything?"
"No thanks Dixie. I'll just sit with him for a little while." She lowered herself into the chair beside Roy's bed and closed her eyes in a quiet prayer.
Dixie moved to the man in the other bed to check his vitals. She reached beneath the blanket to grasp his wrist. She spoke softly as she took his pulse. "Okay Sweetie I'm just going to check your pulse while I'm here."
Roy cracked one eye open and looked from Joanne to Dixie. The man in the other bed lay on his side facing away from him. He could see his dark disheveled hair sticking out from the blanket pooled closely to his head. 'Oh Johnny, what have I done?' Roy closed his eye and a soft moan escaped his lips.
"Roy, can you hear me?" Joanne leaned closer trying to see if Roy was awake. "You're at Rampart. You're safe now." She patted his arm.
Dixie continued checking on the other patient. "When you feel up to it we'll get you cleaned up and change that tape on your broken ribs." She tucked his arm back beneath the blanket, smoothed the hair from his forehead checking for warmth, and moved to the chart hanging on the end of the bed to notate her readings.
Once she finished checking on the other patient Dixie joined Joanne beside Roy's bed.
"What about Johnny?" Joanne met Dixie's eyes looking for some sign as to his condition.
'No Joanne don't ask about Johnny. He's not here. I don't want to hear about him.' Roy tried to block out the conversation. He couldn't bear to hear Dixie tell Joanne that Johnny hadn't survived. He already knew.
Dixie nodded toward the door, "Joanne, why don't you and I go get a cup of coffee? I'll tell you everything I know. Then you can come back and sit with Roy for a while."
Roy was silently relieved that Dixie led Joanne from the room before discussing his best friend.
He opened his eyes after he heard the door close. Looking across the room he noticed the man in the next bed reminded him of his partner. The messy sable hair and thin build were stark reminders of what he'd lost. Tears slid from his eyes.
Hearing the door open he quickly closed his eyes and again feigned sleep.
"I think he's asleep." A husky voice could be heard from the doorway.
"We won't bother him. I just need to see for myself that he's alright."
"Come on amigo move over. If we don't get out of the hall the nurse will know we snuck up here."
Roy knew there were several voices in the room. He thought he recognized them. Chancing a peek he cracked open one eye. He could see silhouetted in the light from the window in the door there stood at least three men, possibly two about the same height and at least one taller. He couldn't be sure.
"Man he still looks bad," a hand slowly raised and ran through the hair of the taller man.
A nurse pushed open the door behind the men. "You're not supposed to be in here."
"Yes ma'am. We uh…we just…we needed to be sure…ya know?"
"Alright, but you'll have to leave now." She held the door open and led them from the room.
Roy sighed and whispered, "I'm sorry guys." He closed his eyes.
Some time later Joanne returned to Roy's room to find he had a visitor. A tall dark haired man sat in the hard plastic chair beside the bed. His head hung to his chest, his breaths slow and even. He was asleep. Joanne walked softly up beside the man and placed her hand on his shoulder. He stirred and looked up at her. "You know you should be home resting."
"Yeah I know, but I almost lost him today. I needed to see for myself that he was still here." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's been a rough day."
"I know, but really you need to go home now. I'm going to stay for a while. I hate to leave him, but I need to be home with the children or they'll be afraid. He's in good hands here at Rampart. We can both come back tomorrow." She squeezed his shoulder.
"Okay Joanne. I'll go now, but you'll call me if you need anything, anything at all." He stood and hugged her tightly.
"I'll call."
He patted Roy on the shoulder, "Hang in there Pally." Then he left the room pausing to glance at the two patients and Joanne on his way out the door.
Dr. Brackett entered the room a few minutes later, "Joanne, how's our star patient?"
"He hasn't woken up yet. I'm really worried Dr. Brackett. Is he going to be alright?"
Kel Brackett looked over Roy's chart, "There is no medical reason he hasn't regained consciousness yet. Give him some time Joanne. He took quite a fall. I'm sure he'll be awake by morning. Now if you'll excuse me I have another patient to check on."
"Thank you Dr. Brackett."
"You're welcome. He means a lot to us." Kel smiled at Roy. "Was that Hank I just saw leaving?"
"Yes, I told him to go home." Joanne smiled. "He needs to rest. They'll all be back on shift before you know it. Roy will be chomping at the bit to get back as soon as he's awake. I tell you those firemen are an extraordinary bunch. They really love running into burning buildings."
Dr. Brackett laughed with her, "Yeah they're extraordinary all right especially the Paramedics. Well I'll check on him again a little later. I'm sure Dixie will be up too. You okay to get home?"
"Yes I'll be fine." She took a seat in the plastic chair.
A few minutes later a nurse came into the room with a tray, smiled at Joanne, and walked over to the other bed, "John I need you to wake up now and try to eat something."
Every muscle in Roy's body tensed. 'John's not here. Why doesn't anyone get that? That's not Johnny. He's not here.'
"Roy? Honey can you hear me?" Joanne spoke softly so as not to disturb the others in the room.
The man in the other bed stirred and tried to sit up. The nurse raised the head of the bed. "Thank you." He whispered hoarsely.
"You're very welcome. Now your doctor promised to let you go home tomorrow if you eat all of your dinner and breakfast in the morning. I'll be back after you finish, to get the tray." She smiled at Joanne as she left.
Joanne looked over at the man across the room, "Hello, I'm Joanne Desoto. This is my husband Roy. He's a fireman."
"Hi, I'm John. Was your husband hurt on the job?"
"Yes he got caught in a building collapse. He has a concussion, but he'll be awake soon." She smiled lovingly at Roy and smoothed the hair from his forehead.
"I heard something about that. Wasn't there three people? Didn't one die?"
"Yes." Joanne teared up at the memory.
"I'm sorry. It must be very hard."
"It is." She reached out and took Roy's hand in hers. "It's very hard."
"Car accident." He told her.
"What, oh you were in a car accident?"
"Yeah, broken ribs, but they said I might get out of here tomorrow." He smiled. "I hope your husband wakes up soon." John pushed the table with the finished dinner tray away.
"He will." Joanne stroked his hand, "won't you honey."
'I will Joanne, just as soon as I can look you in the eyes and tell you how sorry I am that I let Johnny down.'
Joanne leaned close to her husband's ear, "He reminds me of our Johnny, tall, thin, and dark hair. Don't you think he looks like Johnny? Come on sweetheart it's time to wake up now. I have to go pick up the kids soon, and we need to talk before I go."
Roy slowly opened his eyes and met hers. She smiled down at him, bent down and lightly kissed his trembling lips. "Oh Roy, everything is alright. You're at Rampart. I'll get the nurse to page Dr. Brackett. He'll want to know you're awake." Joanne pressed the nurse's call button.
Roy just looked at her and let his tears fall down the sides of his face into his hair.
"Shh, it's alright. You're alright now." Joanne said soothingly.
'No Jo, it isn't.' Roy thought. 'Nothing will ever be alright again.' He slowly closed his eyes.
"Oh no you don't Roy Desoto, you need to stay awake and talk to the doctor."
"Joanne, is he awake?" Dr. Brackett asked as he walked up next to the bed. "Roy, how are you doing?"
Roy slowly blinked his eyes open again and looked up at Dr. Brackett. "Um, I…." His throat was dry and his emotions in turmoil. He couldn't speak.
"Do you know what day it is?" Brackett asked.
'Yeah, it's the day I lost my best friend.' His forehead wrinkled. "T..tuesd..Tuesday," he stuttered.
"Good, do you know what happened?" Brackett made some notes in his chart.
"Floor collapse at the store." He closed his eyes. "J..j…Johnny." Roy tried to tell them he knew about Johnny, but he choked on the words.
"Let's worry about you right now. You have a concussion, several broken ribs, a sprained ankle and twisted knee. All in all you are one very lucky man." Brackett snapped the chart closed and hung it on the hook at the end of the bed.
"L..l..lucky? humph." Roy let out an exasperated breath.
"Joanne, I think he will be fine. He'll have to take it easy for a few days. We'll keep him here for at least twenty four hours, maybe forty eight. Then he can recuperate at home with you. I'll check on his progress in about a week after you get him home. We'll decide when he can return to work after that. Okay?" Brackett put his hand on her shoulder, "He'll be back in the Squad before you know it." He smiled.
'Not going back in the Squad without Johnny. Don't want to be a paramedic without Johnny.' Roy closed his eyes thinking his career was over and drifted to sleep.
Joanne left sometime later that evening to take care of Chris and Jenny. She would be back tomorrow. Roy slept most of the night except for the neuro checks every two hours. He woke up the next morning just in time to see the dark haired man named John getting discharged. He never spoke to the man. He kept his eyes closed until he was alone in the room.
A short while later the bed next to him was changed and a breakfast tray with some kind of unrecognizable white mush and some green Jello accompanied by apple juice appeared on his bed table. Just looking at it made him sick to his stomach, but he knew he had to at least try to eat some.
Dixie stood in the doorway watching him pick at the food. "You know you'll have to eat better than that if you expect Kel to let you out of here." She walked over to the bedside.
Roy looked up sheepishly, "Hi Dix."
"It's good to see you finally awake. You had us worried Roy Desoto." She reached for his wrist to check his pulse. "How's your headache?"
"Not too bad."
"Oh really. Is that why you're squinting? I'd say it's about an 8 out of 10." She put her hand on her hip. "Now why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"
Roy's gaze found his hands. He couldn't look her in the eye knowing what he knew. "Nothing."
"Now Roy Desoto, we've been friends for a long time. I know you. Something has you all in knots. You'll feel better if you talk about it, and we both know it."
Roy nodded. "I can't Dix."
"When you're ready." She patted his hand. "I'll be here when you're ready to talk. Right now I have to see about another patient that we are hoping to move out of ICU. If you promise to behave we might bring you a room mate." With that she turned to leave. "Roy, remember when you're ready to talk about things, you just have me paged."
"Okay." He never looked up.
Sometime later that morning while he napped another patient had been moved in to his room. He raised the head of his bed. He didn't feel like watching TV. He looked over at the other bed at the sleeping man noticing the oxygen mask. The man's face was turned away from him. Roy winced when he noticed the dark unruly hair. 'Not again. Why do they all have to remind me of Johnny?'
The man groaned and raised his arm over his head and laid it on the pillow. 'That is so like the way Johnny sleeps. I mean it's not over his eyes, but it is over his head. He has a bandage on his forehead. If that was Johnny he wouldn't put his arm over his bandage. He would know better.'
Roy couldn't watch the man who so very much reminded him of his best friend. He lowered the bed and turned away from the other bed and faced the wall closing his eyes.
Other than the hiss of oxygen and sounds of sleeping men the room settled into quiet.
Dixie came to check on the two men. She first checked Roy's vitals making notes on his chart. Then she moved to the other bed. "Hello handsome." She smoothed the hair from the bandage on his forehead. "How're you feeling?" His eyes blinked slowly, but he didn't speak. "You're lucky you didn't have a skull fracture, but it's still a pretty serious concussion." He blinked again struggling to keep his eyes open. "Just sleep sweetheart. Everything will be okay now." She tucked the blankets snuggly around his thin form. "I'll be back in a little while."
The two men continued to sleep until Roy's lunch tray arrived. He turned and raised the head of the bed again and looked at the brown pureed mush that was supposed to be his lunch. He replaced the cover on the plate and pushed it away. He wasn't hungry.
The dark haired man on the other side of the room turned toward him and said something Roy could not make out. "Can't go home until you eat." The mask muffled the words.
Roy turned to face the man and froze, his mouth open as if he were about to speak, his eyes wide in disbelief.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." The dark haired man mumbled.
"What?" Roy whispered. "How?"
He reached up and removed the mask. "I said you look like you've seen a ghost," he whispered tiredly.
Joanne chose that moment to come visit. Walking into the room she first went to her husband, "Oh Roy you're looking better today." She hugged him. He sat very still. He didn't return the hug. He just stared at the man in the other bed. Joanne stepped back and followed her husbands gaze. "Oh sweetheart you're out of ICU." She moved to the other patient and gave him a hug.
"Hey Jo, what's with him?"
"I don't know." She looked back at her husband who was still staring. "Roy?"
"I thought…I saw your hand. I just knew you were under the blanket." He rubbed his eyes.
"What are you talking about Roy?" Joanne asked.
Before Roy could answer Captain Stanley, Mike Stoker, Chet Kelly and Marco Lopez came in the room. "Roy, man it's good to see you awake." Captain Stanley patted him on the shoulder. "And you. I'm sure glad they let you out of ICU." He walked over to the other bed.
"Are you guys nuts?" Roy asked. "He's not supposed to be here."
"Why not? Dr. Brackett thought he was well enough to move to a regular room. He probably thought you would want him for a room mate." Chet spoke up. "What's with you Roy?"
Mike walked over to Roy and gripped his shoulder. "Roy? You didn't know."
Roy looked at Mike. "No."
"¡Ah mi Dios!" Marco said. "You thought…"
"Wait," Cap cut Marco off. "Roy you didn't think it was him?"
"Yeah," Roy answered reaching up to wipe tears from his cheeks. "I thought it was him."
"Would someone please tell me what you're talking about?" Joanne asked. She was totally confused at the broken conversation.
"You thought I was the one."
Roy looked over at the man, "Yes, I thought I had let you down."
"That would never happen."
"You're alright?"
"Yeah, I am now." He replaced the oxygen mask on his face. He was wheezing and short of breath. Leaning back on his pillow he put his arm over his eyes. "I'm tired."
"I guess that's our cue to leave. You two take it easy. We'll check on you later." Captain Stanley ushered his engine crew from the room.
"See ya," Chet said as he was pushed out the door. "Hey, I'm goin'."
"Roy."
"Yeah?"
"They told me you hadn't woken up. Is that why? Were you feeling guilty?" He raised his arm and peeked at Roy.
"Yeah." Roy looked at his wife and shrugged.
"Roy Desoto if you didn't already have a concussion I would give you one." Joanne put her hands on her hips, "Honestly, all you had to do was ask. I could have told you he had a punctured lung and a chest tube. That's why he was in ICU in the first place. What were you thinking?"
"I thought…the hand from under the yellow blanket…I thought it was him. I didn't know." He hung his head to his chest. "I'm really glad I was wrong."
"I'm glad too, but next time, just ask." Joanne huffed. Roy relaxed back on his bed. Joanne sat down in the chair between her husband and his best friend. "I wish I could understand the two of you."
"Johnny."
"Yeah Roy?"
"The kid at the store, he's the one."
"Yeah, he's the one."
"I'm sorry."
"He broke his neck when we fell."
"I should have gotten him out." Roy looked over at Johnny.
"Roy you didn't make the floor fall out from under us." Johnny looked to Roy. "It wasn't your fault."
"Thanks Junior."
The End.
02/25/10
