My Mother's Desk
by GCS
'More than kisses, letters mingle souls' ~J Donne
Jan loved bidding on auctions. There were several online sites that she frequented and sometimes placed bids just to see if she might be the winner of whatever the item of the day’s affection was. The desk was much larger than the things she normally bid on, but it reminded her of the one that sat at the top of the stairs in her childhood home. The ball and claw feet on the two arched front legs and the slanted closed front that dropped down as the writing surface that also served to hide the cubbies and slots inside as well as the little drawer in the middle. The two small side drawers just beneath the slanted front where just like the ones in he mother’s desk complete with the rings that hung from the center that she used to pull up and let drop several times before opening them. It was a silly little game she used to play; the sound irritated her mother who could usually be found around the corner in the kitchen preparing dinner. Jan could almost hear her mother’s voice as she clicked enter to place her first bid. “Stop that racket Jan, you’re driving me crazy!” She smiled as her online persona flashed into the top bid slot. The game was afoot, and she planned to win.
That bidding war had ended two weeks ago and today the deep brown wooden desk should be arriving on her doorstep. Jan couldn’t help the excitement she felt as the delivery truck pulled to the curb. She already had the perfect spot for the desk: at the top of the stairs just like when she was a little girl. Long before her mother had mysteriously disappeared.
“Where do you want this ma’am.” The delivery man pulled a dolly with a large crate on it toward her.
“Oh um, if it’s not too much trouble I’d like it upstairs.” She smiled up at the tall dark man.
“No problem, but I think I’ll uncrate it here. It will be much lighter that way.”
“Okay.” Jan almost shook with excitement. In a few minutes she would see her prize.
As the burly man pulled the crate away and unwound the plastic wrap, the air in Jan’s lungs seemed to vanish in whoosh. Not only was the desk similar to her mother’s…it looked just like it, down to the scars on the drawers where she had played with those ring handles.
“Okay lady, lead the way.”
Jan was so stunned she almost didn’t hear the man. “Yes, right this way,” She pointed, “up the stairs and just to the right, against the wall.” She followed the man and watched as he slid the desk into place. Then he turned and left. If he said anything Jan never knew it. She was entranced. It had to be the same desk.
With trembling hands she flicked the drawer pull three times and pulled it open. Of course it was empty, but she repeated the process on the other drawer before turning the little key to open the slanted top. Looking inside she ran her fingers along the wooden slats that separated the openings where her mother used to separate the bills. She ran her hand across the smooth writing surface and then reached for the little drawer in the middle. She pulled to open it, but it wouldn’t budge.
Jan jiggled the drawer a little and pulled again. As the drawer opened she could see something white inside. She jerked it open the rest of the way to reveal a letter inside. Her hand flew to her mouth. The envelope had her name penned across the front in a fine script written with care. The penmanship was excellent and recognizable. Jan gasped. It was her mother’s handwriting. She would know it anywhere.
What an unlikely thing to happen. A bidding war on ebay had brought her a letter from her mother who’d been missing for years. Fear stabbed at Jan’s heart. When had she written the letter and how had the person who had the desk known she would bid on it? She slid her finger into the drawer and lifted a corner of the envelope. Should she open it? She let it drop and pulled her hand away. Should she call her dad, the police? The investigation had not turned up any evidence of foul play. The case had been closed as a simple abandonment. But why…why had her mother left her? The letter stared at her in its stark white envelope with her name written perfectly across the front. Did it have the answers her heart so desperately wanted? Only one way to find out.
Jan pulled the letter from the little drawer and pushed it closed. She turned away from the memories the desk held for her and to the letter in her hands running her finger across the front tracing her name. She turned the envelope over and carefully pulled open the flap. Inside the envelope she found one page with crisp folds. She slipped it out and opened it to reveal more of her mother’s perfect penmanship.
My dearest Jan,
I am leaving. It’s not something I really want to do, but I have to. You see, I am not who your father thought I was. I mean I am your mother, but I am not a house wife. I can’t tell you the details, but if I don’t leave your lives will be in danger. Someday I hope you find this letter I have hidden for you on the back of the desk. You always loved this silly little desk. I know you will always keep it.
Jan wiped the tears that slid down her cheeks with the back of her hand. “No Mama, I didn’t. Daddy sold everything when we moved away. I have it now though. It’s a twist of fate, but I have it now. I don’t know how the letter stayed with the desk all these years.” She looked back at the desk and rubbed her eyes again. “I guess someone found the letter and kept it. I guess it was meant to be. I have it now.” She turned back to the letter and continued to read.
I have done some things, terrible things that I have been hiding from. They have caught up with me, and I must leave. I love you my precious daughter. Never doubt that. If I can get word to you and your father without alerting the people who are after me, I will. Please be a good girl for your daddy.
Love, You Mamma
Jan dropped the letter and ran for the stairs. The crate would have a return address on it. She burst from the front door only to find the sidewalk clean and the truck about to pull into traffic. “WAIT!” She screamed as she ran up to the side door. “Wait!” She pounded on it. “I need to see the return address. I need to see the crate! I need to know where it came from!”
08/18/13
