Places
of
Comfort
by GCS
Emergency! is not mine. It belongs to Mark VII and Universal, but I like to borrow
it for entertainment.
of
Comfort
by GCS
Emergency! is not mine. It belongs to Mark VII and Universal, but I like to borrow
it for entertainment.
After the last shift I realize that the way we find comfort, the places we go to seek it, are most assuredly different, my shift mates and I.
~~~~~~
The day started out much like any other. I arrived at the station last and had to hurry if I were to make it to roll call on time. I never seem to be able to get there early. There is always something that I remember needs to be done at the last minute when I'm getting ready to leave, like finding my keys. I swear I'm going to put a bowl by the door and every time I come home that's where I'm going to put them, if I can just remember to get a bowl.
I don't know how I can remember all the intricate details of medical care that I use every day as a paramedic and can't seem to remember where I put my car keys.
I spent the last two days camping. That's what I do as much as I can to unwind after a rough shift. That's where I can get my head together to face more of the same, running into burning buildings when everyone else is running out, pulling bodies out of wrecked vehicles and trying to put them back together again, pumping life back into an arrested heart, or soothing children who may not live to see their futures. Sometimes I just leave right from the station without even going by my place to pick up my gear. I can live off the land, and most of the time, don't sleep in my tent anyway. Sometimes I am not even sure I can get out of town fast enough before the despair overtakes me, especially when we lose a patient, especially when the call involves children.
Roy, he has Joanne and the kids. As long as he can get home and put his arms around his family he's okay. He also finds peace in his pottery wheel, digging his fingers into a lump of clay and making something out of it, bringing life into it seems to bring him the comfort he needs. Roy has a gift for bringing life back even when there doesn't seem to be any. That's what drew me to the paramedics to begin with, Roy's enthusiasm for providing life. He breathed life into the paramedic program like he breathes life into our victims. Roy draws his strength from giving life. I think that's why he's my best friend. He keeps trying to keep me alive. I don't think he trusts anyone else to do that. He's adopted me as his "special project", but that's okay with me. Since my parents died a long time ago, I haven't had anyone to take that kind of interest in my well being, or to listen to me when I need to talk things out. Roy does that. He puts up with me when no one else will.
Chet, now he's a different story. First of all he plays pranks on all of us at the station to keep things light. Unfortunately for me, I am usually his pigeon. That's what he likes to call me. I always seem to forget to check before I open my locker to see if he's been in there. One of these days I'm going to remember to step out of the way before I pull open that door. But Chet also has an antique barb wire collection. How he ever got started on that I'll never know. Collecting barb wire to me is a little like keeping old empty bottles. I don't get that either, but to each his own.
And Marco, he loves to cook. I think someday he's going to open a restaurant. He should anyway. He makes the best Chili. He also keeps us in culinary delight with recipes passed down from his grandmother and his mother, Mexican dishes from his family's heritage with a complex mixture of flavors that make me want second and third helpings. Yep he finds comfort in cooking, and since I am always hungry, for that I am forever grateful.
Now Mike, he collects model fire engines and train engines. He builds some too. He really studies the workings of those great instruments of strength and power. I saw the last one he built. I swear it looks just like "Big Red". That's what he calls Engine 51. He's in his element when he's working on an engine whether it's the one he drives here at the station or one he has on his kitchen table in a million pieces waiting for him to assemble. That's our Mike…quiet and centered. That's his place of calm, working on his engines.
That brings me to Cap. I'm not sure, but I think he finds his comfort in his family like Roy. When one of us is injured you rarely see Cap without he wife. She stands by his side no matter what the situation is. When we have a rough shift and don't get back to the station in time to cook dinner, she will be there waiting for us with food on the table. I'm not sure how she knows when to do that, but she does. Joanne and Marco's mother do that too sometimes. How these women know when the other shows up with food and not to bring some too, I'll never know. They must call each other. I'll never understand women. Another thing about Cap is when we get back from a call involving children he always calls her as soon as we get the vehicles backed into the bay, even before he gets cleaned up. He heads for the phone to call her. Maybe someday when I find the right woman…if I ever do…I'll understand how he finds his center by talking to her. He's always better after he hangs up the phone. She most definitely brings him comfort.
Anyway, as I rush into line for roll call the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Cap is glaring at me. I got here in time…I think. So why is he staring me down?
"Now that everyone is here I have some announcements, and then I'll give assignments." He taps his pen on the clipboard. "It seems there have been some problems here at the station with items disappearing from the store room. Now I know we are not paid all that well to do what we do, and that some of you struggle with finances." He pauses and looks right at me. I certainly hope he doesn't think I took something. "That said, it is not acceptable for anyone to remove household items like cleaning solutions, or paper products from the station for your own personal use. I have assured the other shift Captains that no one on this shift could possibly be responsible for such acts. I hope I haven't spoken out of turn."
Then an unbearable silence permeates the bay. I can't even hear anyone breathing. It's like we are all holding our breaths waiting for Cap to move on, but he doesn't. He just stands there looking at us, looking at me.
I don't really know why, but somehow I get it in my head that he thinks I took something. I can't shake the uneasy feeling. Not knowing what else to do I speak up, "Yes sir."
Now all the guys are looking at me. I desperately want to tell them I didn't take anything, but that might make me look even guiltier than they must already think I am.
Then finally someone else speaks up. "Yes sir." Thank you Mike Stoker! The man on our shift who speaks the least is the one who saves me from total embarrassment. I'll have to remember to thank him later. If I can…I tell myself not to forget like I keep forgetting that bowl.
The rest of the guys chime in with their agreement, and finally, Cap stops staring. "Okay, Roy you're cooking, Mike - dorms, Chet and Marco - hoses and apparatus bay, John - latrines. Dismissed."
Latrines? Oh Man, he must really think I had something to do with that stuff disappearing. The guys walk passed me and head into the kitchen to finish their coffee. I still feel like they think I did it. I decided to just go ahead and do the equipment check and inventory the squad. I really need some coffee since I didn't have any at home to make. I forgot to stop at the grocery on my way back home from camping last night. But I don't want to face the guys if they're thinking what I think they're thinking.
I pull the bio-phone out and run the calibrations and check the radio transmission with Rampart. Then I pull out the drug box and start counting. Its a few minutes before I realize there are feet standing beside me. When I look up there is my partner and best friend, Roy, standing there with two cups of steaming elixir. Man, I love that guy. When I take one of the cups from him he smiles at me. "So how was the camping trip?" He asks me. Maybe Roy doesn't think I did it. Even if he does he's my best friend. He'll stand by me anyway.
"It was great. I didn't even have to open any cans of beans. The fish just seemed to jump on my hook every time it hit the water. I ate grilled fish at every meal. I found a new ledge. Man Roy, the view was fantastic. I got some great pictures. I'll have to drop them off to get the film developed, but you're gonna love em." I sip my coffee and raise the cup in salute to him. "Thanks, I really needed this. I forgot to get some at the store last night." That's when I saw it, a flash of uncertainty in his eyes. Oh he quickly hides it, but it was there. I saw it. Roy's not sure either, but he's my best friend.
We finish the inventory and the coffee. Then I head into the latrine. Roy returns the cups to the kitchen to start cleaning. Before any of us can even get started on our chores, the tones call us out to a factory fire.
I really want to ask Roy about Cap's words this morning when we get in the squad, but I'm afraid of what he might say about it. Afraid I might hear accusations in his voice. So instead I just sit there with my elbow on my knee and my chin in my hand and stare out the window.
"Johnny…" He calls out to me. "Hey…Junior…which way?"
I look over at him and blink. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I forgot to give him directions. When I look up I notice that he has pulled to the side to let the engine pass, so he can follow them. As they drive by I can see Cap staring out the window…looking directly at me.
"I'm sorry Roy…I…I guess I wasn't thinking." I was thinking, but not about the call. I sit up and try to direct my thoughts to what we are about to face. "It won't happen again."
Roy pulled the squad behind the engine and glanced over at me. "You okay?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I have a feeling this is going to be a big one." We both look at the radio as additional units are being called to the scene. "Be careful, okay Roy."
"Okay Junior, you too," Roy turns back to me and smiles. He knows something is bothering me, but he won't press me for answers, especially not now that we have a job to do.
We pulled up at the scene. Cap immediately gave us orders to do a sweep of the second floor. Other teams were there to assist with the sweep on the other floors. Before I turn around to follow Roy, Cap grabbed my arm. "John, are you okay?"
It took me a couple of seconds to realize the concern I could see in his eyes. He didn't think I took that stuff. He's worried about me. About what we faced last shift. He wants to know if I found a way to deal with it. "I'm good, Cap."
Jogging to catch up with my partner, I noticed Mike smiling at me. Chet gave me thumbs up as he backed Marco on the hose. Marco lifted the nozzle slightly offering a salute. I followed Roy into the burning structure with a renewed sense of support.
Funny, I just realized that it's not really the mountains that bring me comfort. It's my family, my brothers at Station 51. They don't think I took that stuff either. They're just worried about me. I couldn't do this if it were not for them. They are my strength.
Knowing they have faith in me is my place of comfort.
10/24/10
~~~~~~
The day started out much like any other. I arrived at the station last and had to hurry if I were to make it to roll call on time. I never seem to be able to get there early. There is always something that I remember needs to be done at the last minute when I'm getting ready to leave, like finding my keys. I swear I'm going to put a bowl by the door and every time I come home that's where I'm going to put them, if I can just remember to get a bowl.
I don't know how I can remember all the intricate details of medical care that I use every day as a paramedic and can't seem to remember where I put my car keys.
I spent the last two days camping. That's what I do as much as I can to unwind after a rough shift. That's where I can get my head together to face more of the same, running into burning buildings when everyone else is running out, pulling bodies out of wrecked vehicles and trying to put them back together again, pumping life back into an arrested heart, or soothing children who may not live to see their futures. Sometimes I just leave right from the station without even going by my place to pick up my gear. I can live off the land, and most of the time, don't sleep in my tent anyway. Sometimes I am not even sure I can get out of town fast enough before the despair overtakes me, especially when we lose a patient, especially when the call involves children.
Roy, he has Joanne and the kids. As long as he can get home and put his arms around his family he's okay. He also finds peace in his pottery wheel, digging his fingers into a lump of clay and making something out of it, bringing life into it seems to bring him the comfort he needs. Roy has a gift for bringing life back even when there doesn't seem to be any. That's what drew me to the paramedics to begin with, Roy's enthusiasm for providing life. He breathed life into the paramedic program like he breathes life into our victims. Roy draws his strength from giving life. I think that's why he's my best friend. He keeps trying to keep me alive. I don't think he trusts anyone else to do that. He's adopted me as his "special project", but that's okay with me. Since my parents died a long time ago, I haven't had anyone to take that kind of interest in my well being, or to listen to me when I need to talk things out. Roy does that. He puts up with me when no one else will.
Chet, now he's a different story. First of all he plays pranks on all of us at the station to keep things light. Unfortunately for me, I am usually his pigeon. That's what he likes to call me. I always seem to forget to check before I open my locker to see if he's been in there. One of these days I'm going to remember to step out of the way before I pull open that door. But Chet also has an antique barb wire collection. How he ever got started on that I'll never know. Collecting barb wire to me is a little like keeping old empty bottles. I don't get that either, but to each his own.
And Marco, he loves to cook. I think someday he's going to open a restaurant. He should anyway. He makes the best Chili. He also keeps us in culinary delight with recipes passed down from his grandmother and his mother, Mexican dishes from his family's heritage with a complex mixture of flavors that make me want second and third helpings. Yep he finds comfort in cooking, and since I am always hungry, for that I am forever grateful.
Now Mike, he collects model fire engines and train engines. He builds some too. He really studies the workings of those great instruments of strength and power. I saw the last one he built. I swear it looks just like "Big Red". That's what he calls Engine 51. He's in his element when he's working on an engine whether it's the one he drives here at the station or one he has on his kitchen table in a million pieces waiting for him to assemble. That's our Mike…quiet and centered. That's his place of calm, working on his engines.
That brings me to Cap. I'm not sure, but I think he finds his comfort in his family like Roy. When one of us is injured you rarely see Cap without he wife. She stands by his side no matter what the situation is. When we have a rough shift and don't get back to the station in time to cook dinner, she will be there waiting for us with food on the table. I'm not sure how she knows when to do that, but she does. Joanne and Marco's mother do that too sometimes. How these women know when the other shows up with food and not to bring some too, I'll never know. They must call each other. I'll never understand women. Another thing about Cap is when we get back from a call involving children he always calls her as soon as we get the vehicles backed into the bay, even before he gets cleaned up. He heads for the phone to call her. Maybe someday when I find the right woman…if I ever do…I'll understand how he finds his center by talking to her. He's always better after he hangs up the phone. She most definitely brings him comfort.
Anyway, as I rush into line for roll call the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Cap is glaring at me. I got here in time…I think. So why is he staring me down?
"Now that everyone is here I have some announcements, and then I'll give assignments." He taps his pen on the clipboard. "It seems there have been some problems here at the station with items disappearing from the store room. Now I know we are not paid all that well to do what we do, and that some of you struggle with finances." He pauses and looks right at me. I certainly hope he doesn't think I took something. "That said, it is not acceptable for anyone to remove household items like cleaning solutions, or paper products from the station for your own personal use. I have assured the other shift Captains that no one on this shift could possibly be responsible for such acts. I hope I haven't spoken out of turn."
Then an unbearable silence permeates the bay. I can't even hear anyone breathing. It's like we are all holding our breaths waiting for Cap to move on, but he doesn't. He just stands there looking at us, looking at me.
I don't really know why, but somehow I get it in my head that he thinks I took something. I can't shake the uneasy feeling. Not knowing what else to do I speak up, "Yes sir."
Now all the guys are looking at me. I desperately want to tell them I didn't take anything, but that might make me look even guiltier than they must already think I am.
Then finally someone else speaks up. "Yes sir." Thank you Mike Stoker! The man on our shift who speaks the least is the one who saves me from total embarrassment. I'll have to remember to thank him later. If I can…I tell myself not to forget like I keep forgetting that bowl.
The rest of the guys chime in with their agreement, and finally, Cap stops staring. "Okay, Roy you're cooking, Mike - dorms, Chet and Marco - hoses and apparatus bay, John - latrines. Dismissed."
Latrines? Oh Man, he must really think I had something to do with that stuff disappearing. The guys walk passed me and head into the kitchen to finish their coffee. I still feel like they think I did it. I decided to just go ahead and do the equipment check and inventory the squad. I really need some coffee since I didn't have any at home to make. I forgot to stop at the grocery on my way back home from camping last night. But I don't want to face the guys if they're thinking what I think they're thinking.
I pull the bio-phone out and run the calibrations and check the radio transmission with Rampart. Then I pull out the drug box and start counting. Its a few minutes before I realize there are feet standing beside me. When I look up there is my partner and best friend, Roy, standing there with two cups of steaming elixir. Man, I love that guy. When I take one of the cups from him he smiles at me. "So how was the camping trip?" He asks me. Maybe Roy doesn't think I did it. Even if he does he's my best friend. He'll stand by me anyway.
"It was great. I didn't even have to open any cans of beans. The fish just seemed to jump on my hook every time it hit the water. I ate grilled fish at every meal. I found a new ledge. Man Roy, the view was fantastic. I got some great pictures. I'll have to drop them off to get the film developed, but you're gonna love em." I sip my coffee and raise the cup in salute to him. "Thanks, I really needed this. I forgot to get some at the store last night." That's when I saw it, a flash of uncertainty in his eyes. Oh he quickly hides it, but it was there. I saw it. Roy's not sure either, but he's my best friend.
We finish the inventory and the coffee. Then I head into the latrine. Roy returns the cups to the kitchen to start cleaning. Before any of us can even get started on our chores, the tones call us out to a factory fire.
I really want to ask Roy about Cap's words this morning when we get in the squad, but I'm afraid of what he might say about it. Afraid I might hear accusations in his voice. So instead I just sit there with my elbow on my knee and my chin in my hand and stare out the window.
"Johnny…" He calls out to me. "Hey…Junior…which way?"
I look over at him and blink. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I forgot to give him directions. When I look up I notice that he has pulled to the side to let the engine pass, so he can follow them. As they drive by I can see Cap staring out the window…looking directly at me.
"I'm sorry Roy…I…I guess I wasn't thinking." I was thinking, but not about the call. I sit up and try to direct my thoughts to what we are about to face. "It won't happen again."
Roy pulled the squad behind the engine and glanced over at me. "You okay?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I have a feeling this is going to be a big one." We both look at the radio as additional units are being called to the scene. "Be careful, okay Roy."
"Okay Junior, you too," Roy turns back to me and smiles. He knows something is bothering me, but he won't press me for answers, especially not now that we have a job to do.
We pulled up at the scene. Cap immediately gave us orders to do a sweep of the second floor. Other teams were there to assist with the sweep on the other floors. Before I turn around to follow Roy, Cap grabbed my arm. "John, are you okay?"
It took me a couple of seconds to realize the concern I could see in his eyes. He didn't think I took that stuff. He's worried about me. About what we faced last shift. He wants to know if I found a way to deal with it. "I'm good, Cap."
Jogging to catch up with my partner, I noticed Mike smiling at me. Chet gave me thumbs up as he backed Marco on the hose. Marco lifted the nozzle slightly offering a salute. I followed Roy into the burning structure with a renewed sense of support.
Funny, I just realized that it's not really the mountains that bring me comfort. It's my family, my brothers at Station 51. They don't think I took that stuff either. They're just worried about me. I couldn't do this if it were not for them. They are my strength.
Knowing they have faith in me is my place of comfort.
10/24/10
